5uNd@y...

yesterday had my second driving practical. well, the instructor was much friendly and at least he joked and smiled at me compare to the previous one who gave me a shitface. i stalled the car thrice. drove up to the third gear. my brake was jerky at start. by time goes by, i managed to get a smooth brake cause he made me stop a lot of time. next on the list to improve : steering.
after that meet up my group mates as we're having a meeting over at my house. i was really sleepy during the meeting but had no choice had to endure. after 5 hours, we managed to finish our dga project. one project done. i can't be bothered to count how many more i left with.

having 3 hours of school today and then going to have floorball training. and i haven't think what i'm going to do for my landscape model. *sighs*

ju5+ f0R @ wh!Le..

*all smiles for thursday* on the way to school, there were a lot of eyes staring at me and they were observing me up and down. there was a girl sitting opposite me in the train and she was smsing but she stopped pressing her keypads and looked at me, especially at my shoes for a long time while i was finding for a seat. i wonder what's up with her. met up with estya and sakeenah before school as the three of us were feeling uncomfortable wearing formal. i think i did pretty well for the oral communication presentation. i presented about kidsREAD and informed my classmates about the volunteering programme and prepared some papers for them. i was trying to encouraged them to help out the needy kids. after hours of pratising in front of the mirror, it finally paid off. the teacher said i was very confident, very professional and my hand gestures has improved since my first oral comm session. i felt good cause i knew i could do it.
had sports and wellness then floorball. i was really sweating, it was just like i finished taking a shower.

friday had environmental science lecture then had project meeting for dga. i was so sleepy. went home, took a long nap. and felt that i need a break from 'stress' and decided to watch a movie with suliza as it's been a week since we keep hold of each other. watch white noise, some parts of the movie were eerie and we were squeezing each other hands. how 'romantic'. haha. overall, the show was okay. not that good. we chatted over dinner about what happened within that one week. it was nice spending time with you dearest pal. bought a pint of sticky chewy chocolate on the way home. while queuing up for the bus, both of us saw juliet, a classmate of ours in st. margaret's. she said she couldn't recognized us, we had to wave at her twice. i wonder what so different with us. *shakes head*
saw a lot of people on friday: weiye, juliet, jaime and aunty aishah (a neighbour of mine)

saturday, met up with dearest 'childhood sweetheart' of mine by the name of ashikin for a day filled with volunteering. in the morning, we had to clean up the mangrove area, picking up litters. there were like 60 volunteers coming from different junior colleges, sajc, vjc, njc and some are volunteers who did it to help out a bit on the planet they're living in. in the train while on our way to pasir ris, we chatted and planned about what we're going do this afternoon for kidsREAD and plus other stuffs too. so the journey wasn't that long, we were busily chattering away. this time around, the gloves they gave us was of a better quality and the place wasn't that muddy. after the whole thing which lasted about 2 hours, we head to eat our lunch. saw a number of cute chinese ns guys. tall, tan and had those intellectual look. *melts* i wasn't focusing on my food as my eyes were roaming around by itself. haha. head back to the cc for kidsREAD. i seriously wasn't in the mood to teach the kids as both of us were really worn out. but there was a feeling of guilt. i mean the kids came all brightly smile and how can i returned them with a shit face? so try to make the situation better by ignoring my tiredness and try to put on a smile whenever i can. well, it helped a little.
it was sure a tiring day for the both of us. but we still smiled at the camera. scroll down in vain mirror to see the recent pics. it was nice spending time with you too, dearest pal.

i am hoping that both of my bestfriends can hang out with each other. atttention to miss suliza and miss ashikin : one fine day, the three of us will spend time with each other. i think the both of you will not have a trouble in connecting aka clicking.

...

finally, i get to have my first practcal lesson. i drove a car on monday morning at a very low speed. haha. the instructor was okay. he's someone that i can't connect with, he don't joke and always put me in a tensed situation. he's a typical singaporean with the 'lor','lar' and etc at the end of his sentence. drove around the same old route with turning right at the four corners. i lost count of how many rounds i drove around there. probably >20. i stalled the engine twice. i hope i'll get a better instructor on sunday.

tuesday, sakeenah and joanna teased me about having a constipated look. haha. the look was cause by my tiredness, not that i'm having difficulty in shitting. i was really sleepy in class when the teacher was explaining our work. half of the class were sleeping when he asked to do our own work. blamed it on the weather.

when i reached home yesterday, my grandma was asking me why i reached home late with a tone that appears that she unhappy with me. school ended at 5 and all i went is to the bookdrop to return a book. it doesn't even take 5 minutes. i mean i know she's concerned about me but why must she give me a face when i was really tired, it just makes me more irritated. or maybe god is testing on my patience.

going to have my oral communication presentation today. i did my homework and printed stuffs for them. all i hope is that it goes well.

intended to wake up around 8am but *shakes head* no, woke up at 0645 hrs. my siblings were making lots of noises while getting ready for school.

i think i'm going to be sick or maybe i'm already sick. i think i have phlegm which causes my running nose and my throat to be dry.

5+0p..

i realized that i need to stop some of the stuffs that i'm doing. it's like i'm doubting myself.

huN+!n9..

*scroll down for pictures*

thank god my back is getting better. i'm able to bend now. didn't attend training for a week and i'm at a lost cause i knew for sure that my stamina will be affected.

i hate it when the semester is going to end cause it means that deadlines are catching up. there are just a lot to be done by next week.

mon - dga project planning (training)
tue - landscape design rough sketch which we are suppose to make a model out of it (polympics)
wed - maybe a surprise test about composting for plant nutrition and hydroponics (polympics)
thu - oral presentation (training)
fri - environmental science worksheet

*sighs* there is just one thing i can do, that is NOT TO PROCRASTINATE! i really have to buck up and put in effort. i can't afford to just sit still. *stressed* i have to rely on my self-discipline.

today, my class thought there was environmental science lecture. *sighs* but there was none. we just realize that we were just going to have practical. *sighs again* i feel hopeless as a class rep. this wasn't my first time screwing things up. damn it! to my lovely classmates out there : i'm really sorry, there always seems to be lack of communication between me and the lecturers. due to that, things doesn't go right. i hope you accept my apologies.

as we have an hour free, the three of our classmates and me went over to king albert park's mcdonalds to have our breakfast. well guys, i love hanging out with you all, it was fun and really enjoying, thanks for making me feel better!
for practical, went to sungei buloh to have our walk. basically to see the different kind of species that can survive on a mangrove situation. it was really tiring, walked for like one and a half hour around the place. had our picture taken at a tower called Aerie.



we were all sweating.
the one with the hat is my cutest lecturer, Dr. Koh. he's mine. haha.
saw me? on the second row, standing forth from the left and not forgetting sakeenah standing beside me.

not all of my classmates were there. they were just to tired too climb up the flight of stairs. mostly of the things that we saw were already seen at my grandma's kampung. overall, the walk was ok.

went to meet suliza as i need her to accompany me to apply for my pdl. the queue was long and we waited like half an hour. well, patience is a virtue. took pictures in the bus as we were on our way to bras basah. why do we take pictures? 1. the bus was empty. 2. we were bored sitting in the bus. 3. we were just so vain. 4. we need to have fun too.





spent nearly 2 hour walking around bras basah to survey for different materials. it's for landscape design as we have to make our garden 3D. both of us were arguing on what should i use for the model. at last, she listened to some of mine and i listened to some of hers. on the way home, some roads in orchard road were closed due to chingay, the traffic was really slow. thanks pal for accompany me. i know you're tired and i'm tired too. thanks for always being there for me.

i am getting tanned due to the weather. it's so hot and humid.

tomorrow there will be kidsREAD. i hope the kids will help me enlighten my day.

now, i'm really tired which causes my moodiness. well mom, i'm sorry. i just need a peaceful rest.

v@Len+!ne5 d@y...

every 14th february of every year, people around the world celebrate happy valentine's day. it's a time where people showed their affections to their loved one. a time where businesses take advantage of their fellows people, one can easily get a bouquet of flowers on the streets, with of course, at an unreasonable price. every valentine's day, restaurants would be fulled, tickets would be sold out, flowers would be waste and the list goes on and on. the economy will be the one boosting if there is more than one valentine's day. this is the day where girls will boast about how romantic/sweet their guys are, what they get on that fateful day and blah, blah, blah.

some treat it as a friendship day, where they make creative stuffs out of something or buy chocolates, sweets for their friends. that is just thoughtful of them.

someone did asked me out, but i kindly rejected as i have training on monday. so how did my valentine's day went? it was like a normal day, nothing exciting happened. i didn't go for training as i was excused from cca. the doctor gave me a week to rest from floorball and i think that includes sports and wellness too. i didn't gave anyone any gifts and neither do they.

on the way home, i had time to reflect valentine's day few years back. it's different in st. marg's and poly. in st. marg's, i make the effort to crack my bains to come up with something to give to my friends. while in poly, i can't be bothered doing that.

the gift that i'm proud of myself was the one i shared with suliza to give our collegues working at metro marina, last year. both of us prepared like 30 glasses which are filled with colourful stuffs. i still remember it was on a saturday and i had to rush to suliza's house to prepare the gifts. we had fabric paint on the glass few days earlier, so by the time we gave to them, it's dry. we had those colourful cereal, sweets, pebbles and a clip on the glass. the sweets doesn't taste nice at all, it was for decoration purposes. we did put on a warning, a piece of paper that read "taste at your own risk!".
some of our collegues were suprised as they were not expecting any presents. their eyes really shone, i could sense their happiness.

i would be lying if i said valentine's day doesn't affect me. there was a tiny weenie portion of me that was disappointed. i guess it's normal. yes, it's often heard that you don't need valentine's day to show off your love, you are supposed to show it every day. i do agree with that but i can't help feeling a little disappointment. but hey, i'm still here, able to pull through.

being single, it helps you to be independent and you're free to do what you want to do. it's a bonus if you're in a relationship, having someone to witness the days of your life, knowing you will have an extra support other than your parents and friends.

i guess everyone wants to be in a relationship but there are several reasons for them to pull back. maybe they aren't daring enough to hurt themselves again, some they are too busy with work and they can't find time for other commitments. they have their reasons.

love that will last is love that you give and expecting nothing in return. it's the best love that one can do and received.

next time if you fell out of relationship, don't ever regret what you went through, knowing you have given him/her your love and you don't expect anything in return. it's their lost not having you.

+00 p!ckY?

Are You Too Boy Picky? (girlfriend.com.au)

Wondering why you never find the right guy? Perhaps you are being too picky or not picky enough. Check out our guide to finding the balance between unrealistic standards and no standards at all.

You are being too picky if:

* You have very specific ideas about who your boyf needs to be: a particular look, background, group of friends etc - and you won't consider dating until you have done a full background check to be sure he's your "type".
* You need a guy to prove himself to you over and over again, before you consider opening up to him.
* Everyone you date has something about him or her that turns you off (or turns your friends off and therefore you) before they get close a second date.


You are probably not picky enough if:

* You're willing to date anyone, whether or not they are a good match for you or even if you're not really attracted to them. * You always kiss on the first date - at least it avoids that awkward moment at the end of the date.
* You regularly get into relationships quickly and go from one to another.

If you identify more with being too picky, when you meet someone, you do not let them in deeply for fear they will not be good enough.
If you identify more with not being picky enough, you mostly end up with people who aren't a very good match for you.

Here's what you should be picky about:

- Qualities that matter in every situation: a similar value system, communication style, and level of integrity. If your potential boyf has these same qualities means the two of you will be on the same page in many aspects.
- Your partner should have the same goals as you, for a start either wanting long-term relationship or just a fun fling.
- Choosing a person who has no exes lurking around hoping to reignite the relationship.
- The person you choose should have their own friends and interests or at least be working on it. - You want someone who is not dependent on you.
- It seems obvious, but the guy should be someone you find attractive.

You probably don't need to be picky about:

- His social clique - this doesn't neccessarily define him.
- How much much money/ material wealth he has.
- Exactly how he looks. You need to be attracted to your potential boyf but, you might be surprised to find yourself attracted to someone who is not your "type."
- The person's past, as long as it has been worked through and put to rest.

d@y5 0u+...

it's been great for the past two days. having time spent with my mom, dad and sisters. grandma is still in johor while my brother was too busy with his stuffs.

had environmental science on friday. i was kind of frustrated with myself cause i knew i can't score in that paper. damn, my efforts are gone to waste. forget about it, it's over.
head to the library to report for the lost book. my first time losing a book. *shakes head* how irresponsible can i be? hope this was my first and last time losing a book.
head home and my parents decided to go out, actually all of us wanted to go out, but to no specific place. haha. i was the last one out from my house, all the others were in the car waiting. well, a girl go to do what a girl got to do. haha.
dad initiated to go queensway then somewhere, but his girls whined. then mom said hougang or yishun. the three of us, couldn't make up our mind. so, we let the grown-ups decide. haha. one advice : don't ever go out without any destination or plans! dad drove in the car for an hour and a half to reach to a place. it was quite cool in a way that we were learning more about places in singapore and etc. my sisters and i were having a good time singing behind, looking at video clips and singing along. before heading home, went to a place nearby to eat.

as you can see, new pictures were being upload. went to pasir ris park yesterday, and the place was really nice, the breeze was strong and the landscape was so beautiful. my family went with my aunt family, it was nice interacting with them. while on the parking lots, saw an ice cream man. and knowing me, i ate two of those scooping ice cream. haha, blame it on the hot weather.
played swings with in and my sister. speaking from an eighteen year old teenager, i wasn't embarrassed sitting on the swing and took turns to push. what was there to be ashamed of? i enjoyed it very much and i can safely say that most women still enjoy sitting on the swings.
in the car, vanity took over. took pictures. went to haig road to have our dinner and head home.

tomorrow i'm going to see a doctor with my dad. my lower back is really hurting me. i can't even bend my head and bend down. i hope it will heals like how my heart is still healing.

yes, i admit it. my heart is still healing. scars, some goes away while some fades. for me, this is one deepest scar that can never be gone. all i have to say is, life goes on.

pre5en+@+!0n5..

happy lunar new year to those celebrating it! hope you all will get lots of red packets!

monday had ita make up class and dga class as usual. got back my marks for ita. thank god it's an a. learnt photoshop for dga, knowing those basic buttons and getting used to it. not that bad. had floorball training, left early with sakeenah due to our unfinished drawings for the presentation the following day.

tuesday, had landscape design and we had to present about our garden. i did badly compare to the last presentation. i appeared nervous and rush my words. i hope they understand what i was babbling about. haha.
dearest suliza messaged me saying she felt like watching Constantine. and yeah, i wanted to. the place was fulled with school kids and after 20 mins of queueing, we got our tickets.
the show was scary at some point of time. i don't really enjoyed it though, the storyline was not that good. but keanu reeves was totally charming and gorgeous! can't stop drooling over him. haha.
went to accompany suliza to find stuffs for her friend, then head home. was sleeping in the bus on the way home and i must have look terrible as i was really tired.

tomorrow, there's environmental science test. hope it will be easy.

5h!++y..

i felt really shitty yesterday. every day without fail, i ponder and kept repeating the questions to myself. and i have to realise that i just have to be patient cause there is always the correct time for everything. rushing into stuffs will just make me weaker.

@b0u+ me..

i have decide to update the section "about me" in friendster. actually there are stills stuffs that i want to explain about me. but the maximum is 2,000 letters. i'll just tell you more about it when i'm free.

i'm just a young lady who is willing to make mistakes in order to learn. in a way, i'm selfish, i hurt people in order to know myself better. from there, i then realise what makes the different between a friend and a true friend. a friend would just leave me due to my selfishness, while a true friend will still be there to guide, help me to make a better me, never ever let me face the harsh world alone. their sincerity will act like a path in a forest. face it, no one is perfect and in some ways of another, we do hurt others be it with a specific purpose or unintentionally.

don't worry, i'm not a bossy, snobby girl who will get at your nerves. i agree that i have a serious outlook and may appear arrogant. well, don't be fooled by it. come approach me and i'll show you how amiable i am.

i don't really like having so many good times as i'll be taking it for granted. from there, you can jugde me as to more of a work person than a play person. but when i have a chance to enjoy myself, i surely know how to do it and for sure, i'll cherish it.

no one can stop me from speaking my mind. as i believe everyone is unique and there is a purpose for us in life, all of us have the right to speak up.

please help yourself and the future generations by protecting the environment. due to our hectic schedule, we take the environment for granted and never ever take a minute to reflect what have we done to our planet earth. pollutions have been increasing, yes, there are ways and steps to help to maintain or even reduce it. but are you helping out? remember everything has limit and it will definitely backfire you one day.

to know more about my thoughts, stuffs i've been through, come sail with me at a journey, http://www.atirah.blogspot.com

remember, i have feelings too!

+e5+ week...

yesterday, i was totally free, watched vcds all day long. hitler was three hours long, it was kinda boring as i got lost most of the time as i didn't take history, didn't really understand what was happening during that certain period of time. trying to figure what happen next and stuffs. at least i have someone to accompany me, that was my sister. she didn't go to school as her legs were aching and she can't walk. then on the list was the stepford wives. gosh, the show was just not worth it. the storyline wasn't that interesting, it was below my expectation. was about to watch home on the range but i gave up cause it's twice i watched that show and twice i felt asleep one quarter of the show. maybe one day, i'm able to pull it through.
wait, it was not that i did nothing the whole day except watching vcds. i rememeber that i have to call the parents of the children attending kidsREAD regarding the cancelation of friday class and the merger with the saturday class. thank god it make my task easier by not having to talk to complaining parents. after which i have to design a poster for the recruitment of the volunteers and the participants cause i volunteer to make it. i'm still finding for the lost library book. gosh, where are you? don't hide away from me. i need you. i'm all stressed out because of you.
my dad heard jokes over the radio and decided to tell my sister, me and my mom about the jokes. i can't really get the jokes but i was laughing as the way my dad did the actions and the way he told us was funny and he was adorable.

wednesday, had our plant nutrition and hydroponics test. i'm just hoping for a pass. in order to score, we need to think. but too bad, my thinking cap was on vacation. had practical and saw our compost reduced to half. i mean it was around 100cm before it start to decompose, then it became about 45cm after 2 weeks of processing. head to the library to accompany sakeenah to borrow books about gardens. took bus with joanna.
it was really hard persuading my sister to accompany me to return the books at jurong point. but i succeeded. after much arguing, we bought 2 vcds, hitler and the stepford wives. i decided to take the hitler vcd as it cost only 7 bucks. i mean for a 3 hour long story and it cost less than 10 bucks. it was selling at that price as it was a used cd. but it didn't look used, it was all wraped up and there wasn't any scratched on the 3 cds. so it was a good deal. had supper with my sister and on the way home saw the volunteer coordinater and asked him if he need some help to call out the parents or etc.
watched amazing race with my mom. at 2300, talked over the phone with suliza till 0200.
to reflect back, the whole day i was in a hyper mood. it was fun! it's been a long time since i laugh my heart out, felt very carefree, joking, having fun and enjoying time with my friends and family. what a day!

tuesday had landscape design at botanic gardens. it was as usual, lecture then pratical, i mean drawing time. he let us off early as he knew that we got a test the next day.

monday went for my 2 basic theory practices. no surprise that i passed all the 10 booklet. because i have to! i mean i had to take the test later in the day and i can't afford to fail that. thank god most questions were from the practices. results will be posted in 8 days. that will be the following tuesday. i have to pass that in order to start with practical.
the picnic last week was fun. we have lots of food to eat. play some games, those normal stuffs. basically, i'm able to bond, feeling part of the group. so that's good.

is there any improvement in my love life? nah. do i wish to? haha. there is no dream guy, all the guys will have imprefection in some way or another. does the list of advantages of being in a relationship is longer than the list of disadvantages? haha. *shrugs* i don't really know.

50n9...

i happened to read the lyrics from taufik album and there is a lyrics that is quite meaningful to me, it sounds familiar to a portion of my life. it triggered me on how long was my last kiss. haha. and it happened to be that my one last kiss was on 22 december. how sweet it was on my birthday. haha.


One Last (Taufik)

I never could imagine, life without you
From the moment you walked into my world
Never knew how long a loving flame could burn
But losing you has forced me to learn
That we can't change the way we feel inside
And every try at love never turns out right
We both know it's better if we just let it go
So let's have

Chorus
One last kiss
One last touch
One last tender moment between us
One last dance
To our first song
While pretending there's nothing wrong
Let's stay here for a while and
Cherish every moment we're in denial
We both know
It's better if we just let it go

Every time I try to take a stand at all
I see your face again and I fall
In the middle of the night there's the scent of a rose
The smell of your perfume I suppose
But we can't change the way we feel inside
And every try at love never turns out right
We both know it's better if we just let it go
So let's have

Chorus

Baby if we met each other under a different sky
Maybe then things would be much better between you and I
We could always hold on to this one special thing we share
But it would be too much for us to bear
So let's have

Chorus

We both know
It's better if we just let it go