g!v!n9 !n...

sometimes no matter how strong or how hard you tried, you will still have to give in to your tears.

that was what i had to experience last night. for the past few days, i've been stressed hearing my mom complaning to me about my brother, asking me to call my brother about his whereabouts. it's just sucky. why must he make things difficult for us? he's enjoying outside while at home, i have no choice but to heard my mom nagging. not only me, all at home had to listen. i didn't know who to blame. my dad? my mom? my brother? me? it's pointless. this wasn't the first time. he's been doing this several times. coming home late and going out every day. god. why can't he be mindful? why can't he think? god damn it! he's 16.

had 3 missed call during training. it was my dad. called back, my brother was shouting asking where was i. well, i'm sorry to keep both of you waiting. it was not on purpose. getting on the car, i let my heart out, shouting at my brother on how i feel about his shitty attitude. on how because of him, everyone was affected. he too, was shouting back. dad stop both of us. for a few seconds there, i felt great! finally, i'm able to tell him. on the way home, tears just flowed. i tried to control but *shakes head* i can't stop it. i realised that every time i'm having pms, i am bound to cry.

it's not that everyone at home is going against you having fun. they are just concern about you. please don't be selfish. help us to help you.

i was choked yesterday. i had a big chunk of ice measuring about 5cm by 6 cm. and i have no idea how it got swallowed. i was thinking should i throw it out or make it go down. i don't dare making it go out so i had to go through the process where it enters my esophagus. it was a painful process. my throat feel cold and it was hard for me to breathe. i was with my maid in my room with the door closed but my maid was sleeping peacefully and i felt guilty if i wake her up. due to that, i had no one. i was alone. i tried to make a noise but i can't. quickly search for my water bottle in my bag and drink it, hoping the ice will melt. after a few seconds of agony, i was back to my usual self. the ice melted. thank god i am fine.