@ d@y ou+

returned home at 1am this morning. my uncle and aunt fetched me from east coast park where we had a farewell party cum barbecue for the floorball graduates, a so called bonding session. i could see that people were having fun, enjoying themselves, interacting with one another. but i'm just not there. i'm physically there but my mind is drifted far away. i may looked like an anti-social, or maybe i was. i felt lost as seeing people with their cliques and me without one. i think i wasn't ready to open out. i'm just wasn't myself. i'm not that girl that my close friends knew. i'm not that silly girl who makes people laugh. i'm just like a statue. well, i guess i miss my afternoon nap and have insufficient energy for the night. futhermore, i wasn't really feeling that well. and maybe some of my close friends wasn't there. thanks for those who are concerned, i'm deeply touched and really appreciate it.

a friend of mine and me was in charge of the day's programme, basically to organise some games. i was really glad it was a successful one. i can see the competitive in the floorball players and their eagerness to win. on top of that, they were indeed enjoying themselves just by looking at their faces. smiles were seen and laughter filled the air. thanks for giving me a chance to plan out. and it was the first time i got thrown out to the sea. thanks. haha.

in the mist of the night, when people are busily barbecuing their food while some are intensely listening to their friends chattering, me and hidayah went to a quiet spot at the sandy area to take a look at the stars. it was just amazing looking and observing the stars as they were too pretty and sparkling. i felt protected by the stars above me as there were too many of them. it looked as if the stars are having fun too. being in a hectic schedule never brought me to have a rest and enjoy nature. imagine you're surrounded with stars and listening to the sound of the waves and your legs is covered with the sand, far away from noises. it's just you and your senses. you will then appreciate to trust your senses. the experienced was a tranquilizer for me and the setting was just romantic. it was not as if it was my first time looking at stars. but yesterday, i really needed them to accompany me. needed them to celebrate with me.

you may think what was there to celebrate? but if you were to take time and looked within yourself, then you will realise every day is a celebration. thank god for the good health. thank god for the food. thank god for my lovely families. thank god for showing me the light when i'm at the darkest moments. thank god for the friends i have. thank god for lifting me up when i'm dreading. thank god for bringing someone special and someone you hold deeply in your heart. and the list will never stop. every single thing happened for a reason, even those tiny weenie things that you thought it doesn't matter. therefore you shouldn't hate living. and instead cherish it and look forward for more challenges, never ever regret.

due to the farewell party, i'm not able to turn up for kidsREAD yesterday. hopefully the class goes smoothly and the kids had fun with the other 'teachers'. haha.

i've been reading books written by lurlene mcdaniels. her books are kinda depressing, stories about people having sickness but it makes me thankful to have good health and reflect life.

am taking my final theory test in 3 weeks time and perhaps my practical test in late june. hope it will goes smoothly as planned.

you all can just stop reading here. below is just something i feel like blabbering about someone. most of you may find it boring. so guys, i rather you skip it. haha.

it was more than expected to have the stars to be there to celebrate with me. before heading to east coast park, hidayah and me planned to meet so we can go together. suddenly, something strucked my mind. *smiles* and i smsed you regarding my suggestions. i was having mixed feelings when i went out. i wanted badly to see you as i miss you so much. but on the other hand, you may not be there. i tried really hard to ignore what was bothering me but i'm just to weak to let it fly by. because the thing was i really wanted to see you. and boy, i was so relieved when you called. the stuff that been hanging me down, suddenly has been lifted off. haha. and i can never forget out miscommunication yesterday. due to that, two trains past. haha. but thinking back, maybe it's coincidence; a sequence of events that although accidental seems to have been planned or arranged. because if we were to board the any of the two previous train, the chances of hidayah meeting her friend is extremely low and i would have to divide my attention between the both of you. i would like to spend as much time with you. luckily, her friend was there. even though it was less than an hour spending time with you, but nevertheless, i enjoyed every second of it. i was just engulfed with blissfulness to be able to see you. sorry if you had to repeat yourself. the environment was noisy but that wasn't the reason. the main reason was i can't admire you and hear what you said at the same time. *ehem* even though i can multi task. haha. your shades was a barrier, not only i'm not able to see your eyes but i have to see my own reflection on it. *smiles* thankfully, you took it out. only then i could look steadily, intently, and with fixed attention at your eyes and get lost in the reality and transported to another realm. it has that power, something you should be proud of. haha. thanks for your company once again. i'm addicted to you and i missing you. *grins* and i didn't think that i have those effects on you. haha.