une@5y feeL!n95...

it was 15 mins past midnight when i finished helping out suliza with some maths stuffs over the phone. well pal, good luck for your paper!

went to my blog and was surprised to see a tag from hedzlyn. by that time, i was really sleepy and tired. but it sounds kinda urgent so yeah, went online to chat with her. she informed me what happened during training just now. and i didn't have a peaceful sleep due to that. even before she told me what happened, i've always pondered to myself. why am i not myself during floorball? am i an anti-social? all these kinds of questions kept popping out without any answers. at times, i feel bad as some of the girls sincerely helped me to feel part of the group. looking back in my secondary school, even though i wasn't related anything to sports, my cca do required team work. and i'm just not the girl i used to be. i was having fun and i'm able to connect with all of them. but now, i don't even know what to say.

especially during the holidays training, which includes training with the guys, i felt even left out. but it doesn't really matter as i'm used to it. not that i'm a total loner in floorball, i do have some friends that i'm closed to.

i can't deny that the floorball people are really a bunch of great and fun outgoing individuals coming together as one. they do know how to have fun and when to be serious. that's is something i admire about them.

i'm really trying slowly to open myself up. to be the girl that i am, no more pretending. and now ivp is on its way. and looking at my chances of getting into the team is really low. i need to train harder and push myself beyond to earn a place in the school team. i want to ensure that i'll give of my best to floorball and even if i didn't get in the team, i won't have any regrets as i did put in my best.

enjoyed myself on tuesday. went to pulau ubin with the floorball family and cycled around the island. the weather wasn't that good. it was raining. and the ponchos didn't really helped much but nevertheless, it doesn't stop us from having fun. i really sort of know where they were going to as i've been to that place with suliza and explore the different area in it. there's a quarry at one part of the island. but we didn't went there. well, cycling is fun. whenever there's steep slope i would just get off my bike and push it. haha. it's not that i'm lazy to cycle my way up but my legs can't take it. i really tried to focus on going uphill on bike, but i think my will power wasn't that strong enough. *sighs* got to work on my concentration. thanks to the organisers for taking your time out to organise such wonderful events. thank you. am looking forward to other outings.

to conclude, it's not that i being left out was the excuse of not attending trainings. i already had plans that was planned ahead of me. mostly the trainings was told last minute as we didn't have court and i'm unable to be flexible as some stuffs clashes. people may be wondering; ya rite, she's having her holidays, what is there for she to do? why she kept saying she had something on and blah, blah, blah? i've been concentrating on my driving, picked up tuition, helping out to plan some stuffs for the kidsread and there's some more. it's not that i wouldn't want to go. i really wanted to go but my schedule doesn't allow me too.

all i got to do now is to concentrate on representing the school for ivp. girls, we are indeed improving, we need to push ourselves even further and don't hope to be the champion but instead make it happen.