apart from enjoying the presence of the partner yesterday,
i woke up late today.
totally late!
i had a test at 8am but i woke up at 7.36am!
imagine my panic-ness!
somemore it's my first time waking up late!
i thought of not showering since i was very very very late,
but my hair stood out,
thus i took a quick shower with soap on.
even though late,
must still smell good.
i don't want flies to keep flying over my head.
i rush down the stairs and flag for a cab.
when the cab turned a different route,
my mind was filled with questions.
that was when i understand that he thought i was refering to ntu.
argh!
so i had to stuck in a jam since he didn't go by aye.
and i've reached school at 8.20am,
which if he took the aye,
i can reach even earlier and save more.
haiyamak!
even though i was late,
i had ample time to finish the paper.
syukur alhamdullilah.
and so that was my morning.
the whole of my afternoon,
i got sleepy in lectures and tutorial that i had to wipe my eyes due to excessive yawning.
my wednesday is always packed,
starts from 8am to 6pm,
with 2 hours break.
thanks goodness dad fetched me home.
=)
end of today.
yesterday,
i fetched the partner over to my house to break fast together.
we chilled to watch a bug's life and some shows.
=)
what took me by surprise was,
while watching the shows,
the partner held my hand.
not that he don't normally do that,
but my parents were there.
you know something like 'tak manis' (not sweet).
my parents saw it and they don't see it as a problem.
they are very understanding.
send the partner home since he had to start on his school assignments.
i managed to wait up for the partner since i was doing my revision.
and slept at 2am.
no wonder i woke up late huh?
the 3 alarms didn't help me to wake up.
because i was too tired.
i'll hope to see the partner tomorrow.
so that he can help to psycho me to clear some stuffs away since mom always complain that i keep 'junks'.
i don't consider them junk,
everything is something.
one of the things she considered junk is receipts.
i keep receipts.
why?
because i can track back where i was, what i bought, who i was with, how my day went that day, how much did i spend, and many more questions.
the little slips of paper is memorable.
that's just me.
it's hard for me to throw away stuffs especially books and magazines.
the magazines was kept since i was in my secondary school days,
like teens, teenage, lime, girlfriend (an australian mag, my favourite!), seventeen (us mag as that time, there wasn't the singapore version), teen vogue & vanity fair (if i have excess money to splurge on)
i bought them because of the articles and the fun of it.
how can i throw away something that it was hard to get?
i mean it wasn't cheap,
i had to save $$$ in order to get those every month.
i had that hobby for several years,
and suddenly i realised that with the amount of money i spent on magazines,
i can spent on something else with it.
so yeah,
i've stop collecting and also i have nowhere to house them since mom is nagging about the 'junks'.
i hate throwing away stuffs.
that is why i need the partner to help me out.
like how last year,
i helped him out to throw away his sentimental items.
i managed to read through his old love letters and birthday cards he received.
and there were pictures too.
of course my heart was swelling.
i'm sure you all know the feeling,
going through your partner's old stuffs.
out of a sudden,
in front of me,
he took all the items and tore it and placed it in the typical black garbage bags.
i felt the sense of achievement.
i may sound like the bad guy here.
anyway,
that move shows and meant a lot to me.
i felt accomplished.
i felt that the partner is totally serious about looking forward to the future with me.
me,
nurul atirah bte mahmuddin,
the last lady he ever love dearly (apart from our daughters)
that's what make my life worth living.
i am someone who doesn't like to look back in history when it comes to the matter of the heart,
especially when i am in a relationship now.
what is over, it's over.
no doubt memories will stay,
but it means nothing.
it doesn't work because it has reasons.
somewhere, something wasn't right.
why thinking about it when you are suppose to focus on the current relationship?
i always stand by my principle,
if i want it,
i would give my all to it and never ever give up.
that's the same for love,
if you love, really love each other,
no matter how tough the challenges are going to be,
both of you will never give up.
both of you will keep on pursuing.
stand by each other and still want each other.
nothing can separate you except death or the loss of memory.
you don't love someone because he/she is healthy,
but will you still love them when they are sick, disabled, etc?
some had to let go,
and that is not true love.
that's just,
i don't know.
perhaps the fun and joy of experiencing love?
i don't know.
when the going get tough,
giving up seems to be the easy option.
an abstract on one of my entries in 2005.
it's been 10 months and still counting since i've been single.
well, i can't deny the last break up was hard.
but hey, it's a blessing in disguise.
seriously, it is.
it's not like i'm not been moving on with life since the last relationship,
in fact, i am moving on with a great mindset.
people do asked me "why aren't you in a relationship?"
it's a question that keeps me thinking about it, a lot.
and i come to a conclusion.
to me, being in a relationship is when the couple is really serious about each other.
madly in love with each other is not enough cause you may never know it will fade away. (take for example jennifer aniston and brad pitt)
it's when both of you decide that you wanna spend the whole life with each other.
accepting each other's flaws and compromising.
now, in modern times, people are abusing it.
some are in a relationship due to peer pressure.
some just need someone to make out with.
some may just want to show off or perhaps boost their egos to their friends.
some need the extra attention.
and some think that,
i love you, you love me and then we should get into a relationship.
there are endless reasons.
sometimes, i can't get it.
in the sense that when those people who are in a relationship said to each other.
"if you found a better guy/girl, i'll let you go."
on the first place, if you are indeed serious about your boyfriend/girlfriend, why should you look around for other people?
so does it mean like i'm holding on to you till you found the one?
if people get their mindset correct about relationship,
there wouldn't be break-ups, there wouldn't be divorce.
these occurs when couples are unfaithful to each other.
or maybe due to financial problems or etc.
but being together you are supposed to hang in there,
go through together.
not divorce, not breaking up.
those are just lame excuses, to free themselves, to free from the partner's burden.
abusing won't happen if the fella loves you.
who will beat up a loved one?
unless the person is insane.
true love conquers everything.
having 2 failed relationship, it makes me realised more.
i wasn't thinking.
i was fooled by those 'love bugs'.
thinking about it, i realised how gullible i am.
but now, i'm more aware and know what i want from it.
looking long term now.
no more short term.
--------------
true love last forever.
no matter how hard it gets.
honey,
thank you.
the great short day we had yesterday was fun!
as long as i get to see you,
even for a few minutes,
i am happy!
i want to be the only woman in your life forever.
