i felt something that i never felt before in a very long, long time.
and it makes me think.
is it worth it?
should i ignore it?
or is it just the same cycle?
away from it,
i've been morbid lately,
well,
i've been morbid for quite sometime.
and if it's not for the Almighty,
i would have been dead.
i've changed.
i wasn't the girl i used to be,
the one who thinks that she can strived for anything,
even the impossible.
now i just feel like giving up when the obstacles get tough.
and i wonder,
what causes me this way?
my mental state has been haywire.
how can i incur this disease?
can i ever recover from it?
this is life, my dad says.
and like my ustaz said there are 4 stages of life we had to go through.
from my understanding,
currently,
we are in the second which is the destruction stage.
life on earth is nothing but destruction,
we suffer a lot in this stage and we have to use our faith and brain to tackle it well.
and i have to say,
i have so much more to learn,
and do i have enough time to be the person i visualise myself to be?
so this is life, i said.
it is indeed ugly and at times, painful.
the problem with me is,
if i'm given a paper to write,
i want it to be error free.
once i've made a mistake on a piece of paper,
i don't know how to beautify or decorate or even conceal it,
instead i'll get myself a new piece of paper,
and ensure myself the mistakes won't happened again.
the only time that i would only beautify the mistakes is when i'm left with no other paper.
i think right now, i am running out of papers.
it has come to a time when i need to accept the mistakes and beautify it.
acceptance,
i need to have that instill in my mind.
because if i'm living in denial,
how far can i go pretending?
god,
give me the wisdom to make my life a better one.
