we!rd dRe@m...

i had a weird dream on saturday afternoon.
was taking a quick few hours 'nap'.
and was awoke by a real felt dream.
i felt myself awake from that person in the dream.
in short, it was so real.
the dream stirred lots of emotions.
frustration, sadness, ego, happiness, funny, freedom, frighten, hatred.
i felt how angry i was, how stubborn i was.

the dream started with me having an argument with my mom.
a big argument, both shouting at each other.
the stubborn-ness between the two of us are really strong
both that doesn't want to admit defeat.
both refused to give in.
i hate having fight with my mom.
i can't stand that hatred feeling.
i'm evil at times.

the dream doesn't stop there.
i, then, can't take it anymore.
decided to jump down.
that's what i told her.
"i'm commiting suicide"
she replied "go on"
she just sat there and continue doing her stuffs.
not believing me.

i think i was lacked of attention and wanted to make myself heard.
i guess i wanted her to believe me that i meant every word i said.
so i sat at the window plane.
and jumped down.
but too bad, it's just one level down.
from the bedroom window, i felt down to the balcony.
it's pathetic lar.
btw, it happened at a semi-detached house.
so i didn't die.

then, something struck me to jump down from the balcony of the 5th level.
again, it's a semi detached house, 5 x 2 = 10.
10 storeys high.
i remember sitting at a tall height.
my dad trying very hard to soothe me.
but to no use.

i jumped down.
and my mind was interrupted by a message.
my mind was functioning like a computer.
on the top left hand corner, it stated:
"it will take 2 hours to process it"
i wondered how could someone thrown out of a 10 storey height took 2 hours to die?
it will just take less than 20 sec to process it lar.
not only that, the funny part was,
i'm able to choose how i wanted the end process it to be.
i had a touch on screen on my mind,
that shows different positions: do i want my left arm to be up, or do i want to bend my right leg.
it shows different facial expressions too: smiling, frowning, expressionless and etc.
i can choose whether i wanted to stay detach or stay intact.
weird lar.
if only there is the undo button.

then i arise from that horrible dream.
and reflected.
and i cried thinking about it.
it felt so real.
it scared me so much.

and you smsed me.
i'm glad you did.
cause i need you at that time.
thanks.
i'm so loving my reality.