y0u...

first day of school was yesterday. and how was it? it was great! had fun and really enjoyed myself. was saturated with happiness. and i'm still feeling some of the effects today.

met up with sakeenah and joanna before heading to class. and you saw me without me seeing you but i was glad enough you smsed. had lesson on autocad for three hours in the morning. it was ok, learnt different ways to do a circle, and arc and blah, blah, blah. after which we had 4 hours of break. the three of us really didn't know what to do during that break. cause all of us have our own plans yet we want to stick with one another. haha. didn't expect to eat lunch with you. it was a nice lunch, i mean not the food. food was ok. but having you there was delicious. haha. oxygen had to be pumped in fast to my lungs resulting in the fast heartbeat as you took my breath away. finally, sakeenah was off to meet someone, and joanna was off to her meeting. and i was left alone. there were three guys and a lady seated in front of me. and looking at the time, which i have 3 hours to spare i decided to follow them. head to town as you wanted to survey the shoes. btw, that was the first time i step inside the mosque to pray alone. well, there's always a first time for everything. so yeah. first time i window shop with a group of guys and it was *shakes head* long. you just remind me of me. haha. i underestimated the time and as a result i was late for the lecture. i can't deny that i got worried but thank goodness, i was marked present as the lecturer have not start with her lesson, as a course lecturer went in and gave a talk on continuing our studies. what a huge relief!

after lecture, went for floorball. i had fun. it was fun playing the game. and i felt myself opening up a bit. that's a good start. didn't do that good in the game. there are more areas for me to improve. am looking forward to tomorrow training. haha.

i screamed in the morning when i went in to checked my final theory result. i passed it! it was such a relief as i had no confident of passing it. 8th of july will be my practical test. once i'm able to clear that, woo hoo! i'm able to drive on the road independently. haha.

today lesson was ok. today was another smily day for me. when joanna told me she saw you, i was like "aww man, if i were a bit faster, if i were blah, blah, blah" but too bad i didn't get to see you. while doing tutorial, the lecturer said that our practical for today is going to be a short one, perhaps 45 mins instead of 3 hours. hearing that, i kept smiling knowing that you finished around that time. receiving that reply of yours, i was beaming with joy. my face was radiated with happiness and the two of them knew what it meant. haha. sorry that you had to wait. i was worried when i saw your face in that condition. but things got better. haha. and i have no idea why i flushed. =P i hope my face didn't looked like the colour i'm wearing as my face was really hot. i think it's the effects after seeing you *winks* haha. i really wish to stay longer but seeing your tired face. i don't have the heart to hold you much longer. i'm seriously addicted to you. and i enjoyed looking at you, your eyes, your hair, your veiny hands and blah, blah, blah. haha. and yes, =P i miss you.

being able to see you yesterday and today was a bonus and it just makes my day. i do enjoyed your company. *smiles* thank you.

une@5y feeL!n95...

it was 15 mins past midnight when i finished helping out suliza with some maths stuffs over the phone. well pal, good luck for your paper!

went to my blog and was surprised to see a tag from hedzlyn. by that time, i was really sleepy and tired. but it sounds kinda urgent so yeah, went online to chat with her. she informed me what happened during training just now. and i didn't have a peaceful sleep due to that. even before she told me what happened, i've always pondered to myself. why am i not myself during floorball? am i an anti-social? all these kinds of questions kept popping out without any answers. at times, i feel bad as some of the girls sincerely helped me to feel part of the group. looking back in my secondary school, even though i wasn't related anything to sports, my cca do required team work. and i'm just not the girl i used to be. i was having fun and i'm able to connect with all of them. but now, i don't even know what to say.

especially during the holidays training, which includes training with the guys, i felt even left out. but it doesn't really matter as i'm used to it. not that i'm a total loner in floorball, i do have some friends that i'm closed to.

i can't deny that the floorball people are really a bunch of great and fun outgoing individuals coming together as one. they do know how to have fun and when to be serious. that's is something i admire about them.

i'm really trying slowly to open myself up. to be the girl that i am, no more pretending. and now ivp is on its way. and looking at my chances of getting into the team is really low. i need to train harder and push myself beyond to earn a place in the school team. i want to ensure that i'll give of my best to floorball and even if i didn't get in the team, i won't have any regrets as i did put in my best.

enjoyed myself on tuesday. went to pulau ubin with the floorball family and cycled around the island. the weather wasn't that good. it was raining. and the ponchos didn't really helped much but nevertheless, it doesn't stop us from having fun. i really sort of know where they were going to as i've been to that place with suliza and explore the different area in it. there's a quarry at one part of the island. but we didn't went there. well, cycling is fun. whenever there's steep slope i would just get off my bike and push it. haha. it's not that i'm lazy to cycle my way up but my legs can't take it. i really tried to focus on going uphill on bike, but i think my will power wasn't that strong enough. *sighs* got to work on my concentration. thanks to the organisers for taking your time out to organise such wonderful events. thank you. am looking forward to other outings.

to conclude, it's not that i being left out was the excuse of not attending trainings. i already had plans that was planned ahead of me. mostly the trainings was told last minute as we didn't have court and i'm unable to be flexible as some stuffs clashes. people may be wondering; ya rite, she's having her holidays, what is there for she to do? why she kept saying she had something on and blah, blah, blah? i've been concentrating on my driving, picked up tuition, helping out to plan some stuffs for the kidsread and there's some more. it's not that i wouldn't want to go. i really wanted to go but my schedule doesn't allow me too.

all i got to do now is to concentrate on representing the school for ivp. girls, we are indeed improving, we need to push ourselves even further and don't hope to be the champion but instead make it happen.

50n9

this song is dedicated to that someone who never fails to make me smile every single day. the one who i've been missing badly. the one who i hold closely to my heart.
my mind is filled with your awesome smile and i'm totally crazy over you. *grins*

When you have to look away
When you don't have much to say
That's when I love you
I love you
Just that way

To hear you stumble when you speak
Or see you walk with two left feet
That's when I love you
I love you endlessly

And when you're mad cause you lost a game
Forget im waiting in the rain
Baby I love you
I love you anyway

Cause here's my promise made tonight
You can count on me for life
Cause that's when I love you
When nothing you do could change my mind
The more I learn the more I love
The more my heart can't get enough
That's when I love you
When I love you no matter what

So when you turn to hide your eyes
Cause the movie, it made you cry
That's when I love you
I love you a little more each time

And when you can't quite match your clothes
Or when you laugh at your own jokes
That's when I love you
I love you more than you know

And when you forget that we had a date
Or that look that you give when you show up late
Baby I love you
I love you anyway

Cause here's my promise made tonight
You can count on me for life
Cause that's when I love you
When nothing you do could change my mind
The more I learn the more I love
The more my heart can't get enough
That's when I love you
When I love you no matter what

*9@y, 9R!n5, 5m!le5*

regarding my entry about mothers' day, i was kinda surprised when my sis said that my mom cried reading it. well, she must be touched. to mom : i'm not exaggerating, and also it's not my intention to make you like me more, which i know you will always love me, instead, what i wrote was how i felt and i really meant it.

monday, *grins* had a great time chatting with you. with that, you have already made my day. thanks.
went over my aunt's house to tutor my cousin maths. did some revision with him. come on haziq, be strong, i know you can do it, don't ever have doubts about yourself. i've always have faith in you.
had my driving pract. it was ok. still have to build on my confidence on the road. all i left is my final theory test which is next week and one more pract, only then i'm able to book for my driving test. i'm really hungry for that license. *daydreams*
by evening, went online and i was so pleased seeing your new fresh pictures. i like it and it's stucked in my mind now.

tuesday, had floorball match at salvation army sports hall. it's between the league players and the school team. it was really a good game. if we are able to keep playing this way and keep on improving, i'll bet we will make it in ivp. i'm so proud to be part of np floorball. now aiming to play for ivp. even though it was a good game, i don't think i played my best in that game. need to push myself even harder.

went back to school to take a shower. and i thought of giving you a surprise as you said you wish to see someone on tuesday. becareful what you wish for. haha. saw zaid and chatted quite a lot with him. haha. thanks for you company. while chatting, *screams* i saw you! boy, i was so glad! i didn't know what makes my head turn towards that direction, but it did. even though, the lights were dimly lighted and i didn't get to see you clearly, i could see you were surprised. after seeing you, i was really excited and was jumping for joy.
went to the room, and you were there, smiling and that look of yours was just so charming. and *whispers* i did took glances of you. haha.
dad fetched me home that night.
i should be tired after that afternoon match and am able to sleep peacefully at night. but i was so wrong. tried to sleep at 0000 hrs, but i can't, kept tossing and turning and thinking of you. it happened several times when i slept for a while and wake up again. my mind was like a record player where it kept playing you over and over again. i wouldn't want to forget that short period of time when i saw you. i was literally smiling myself to sleep. did slept for a short while because i dreamt. i dreamt of you. it was a sweet dream. woke up at 0600 hrs, feeling fresh, happy and so energetic. kept smiling all day long! oh god, what am i getting myself into? what am i experiencing?

went over my aunt's house. crapped stuffs with in, i had a good laugh yesterday. did science revision with my cousin. went home, watched amazing race with my mom. and it was a good finish! almost cried, it was so sad and full of suspense. and i learnt something : never ever give up on your aims, keep focused and i bet you will make it. and also to be optimistic even you're in a bad situation cause you may never know what happens next. being pessimistic will only dampen your spirits and lose yourself. congrats joyce and uchenna!

the parents workshop will be postpose to june. aww man, i already did my preparations and memorise most of the lines. well, i hope i'm able to present in june.

* uoy ssim i

0706 @nd d@y5 beF0re

saturday, had kidsREAD and a meeting after that. the meeting is about a parents workshop next week and some recruitments of new volunteers. during meeting, a volunteer brought it up that the speaker to present about reading and the benefits of reading is unable to make it. it strucked me. sometimes i can never explain the things that i did. i volunteered myself to replace that speaker. i know that i'm not an experienced speaker, but i can try my best to make all of you proud. i did a presentation on reading before, courtesy of oral communication. haha. so all i need is to recall, brush up and do some more detailed research on it. honestly, i can't wait for it. talking to a big group of parents in front of a stage is indeed scary but it's a challenge that i dared myself. i want to prove to my self because if i'm really capable of getting an distinction for oral communication, then why not present to an real audience? i want to put my ocom skills into practice. in order to achieve my ambition, i have to start somewhere. and this is a little step that i make towards it.

accompanied shikin to the library to borrow book for her exams. while she was busily searching for hers, i search for mine. read through books about reading and public speaking. haha.

did some researched and now in the process of preparing my speech. after all those, gonna practise in front of a mirror.

to someone that stays far away from me: i don't know what i'm feeling but i'm enjoying every second of it. and i wouldn't wish it to fade. that tingling feeling in my skin and stomach and *ehem* fast heartbeat too whenever i saw you online or i recieve an sms from you.i miss seeing you. i miss staring and getting lost in your eyes. i miss hearing you. i don't know what will become of us. only god knows. whatever happens, i can never ever forget you and i never regret knowing you. *smiles* 2 more weeks till school starts. * .ylbirret uoy gnissim dna uoy ekil i

had my two sessions of automatic car on friday. damn, it's so hassle free. no clutching. just concentrate on the road. well, taking up a manual car is just a knowledge for life.

had 4 hours of break during the next practical lesson. watched house of wax with suliza, and it's unworthy. *shakes head* storyline was ok. it was gruesome and i just don't think it's worth it.

thursday met up with a friend after my driving practical. watched kingdom of heaven. it's like those typical war movies where a larger amount of armies going against the smaller groups. the show has a mixed of troy and the lords of the ring. and the similarity was also that orlando bloom starred in all of the three war movies. thanks for the treat.

wednesday, went over my aunt's house to tutor my cousin. and i had a wonderful time chatting with you. i just can't get away from the computer. thank god for for being able to multi task. haha.

this week, i never attend any trainings nor meetings. sorry guys, it wasn't on purpose, it's just that i've already had plans and i can't reschedule it. i miss floorball.

h@pPy m0+hEr5' d@y

happy mothers' day!

this entry is specially decicated to my dearest mom.

mom, i'm glad that we had those arguments and disagreements. those things made us understand each other better and it enables us to communicate. i rather have those little quarrels than keeping quiet and both of us not sharing what we are up to. i appreciate your loving gestures and you being concerned about your children. i know it is not easy bringing up 4 different indivuals. thanks for not comparing us with other kids. you know that the 4 of us are unique and you don't push us what you want us to be. you let us free to choose what we want to be. you are always there guiding me through my journey in life. i know i can be rude at times but trust me, it was not on purpose. other factors contributes to it. and i'm truthfully sorry if i ever made you feel unworthy. you may think that i'm ashamed of you. but you are wrong. indeed, i'm so proud of you. you faced your own fears and you don't care what others think of you. i don't think i'm able to do that. you are someone that is full of life and i like seeing you being childish at times. haha. your wisdom words never fails to encourage me when i'm down. i've always admired you, on how you placed your children first before yourself. even in sickness, your children is your first priority. you made me believed in myself that i'm able to do stuffs that i thought i'm not able to do. you supported me in any way as you can. thanks for all the nagging and those advice you gave. 2 years ago, i forgot to tell you this: you and nenek made me feel like a princess on my prom night. thanks both of you for going through the trouble to buy me my prom dress, the nine west shoes, the handbag and blah blah blah. and how can i forgot, you make me up and grandma made my hair. thanks. i don't know how would i ever thank you both. thanks for listening to me blabbing about guys. mom, i appreciate your tips on guys and i'm thankful that you're understanding. my friends usually get jealous of me because i'm able to talk to you about the guys that i'm hanging out with and you're cool with it. unlike some of my friends, they have to keep a secret from their parents about their relationships. thanks for having that trust in me. i owe endless thanks to you mom! you are my cheerleader, my toughest coach and of course, my good luck charm. you are a crucial character in my life. without you, i don't think i'm able to be where i am today. ma, i love you so much! trust me mom, tears are welling up in my eyes now. ps. mom, you're not fat. *winks* i bet dad saw something in you and he does make a wise decision to choose you as a mother to his children.

mama in, happy mothers' day to you too! even though you're my aunt, i've already treated you like my own mom! i love you too! and one more thing, please don't stress yourself up. try to relax and take things one at a time. haha.

deePeR..

to the mysterious person who gave me hugs, i think i'm falling for you. *hugs* and thanks again for the reality check. i'm melting looking at that hot picture of yours. *ehem* i miss you so much!

@ d@y ou+

returned home at 1am this morning. my uncle and aunt fetched me from east coast park where we had a farewell party cum barbecue for the floorball graduates, a so called bonding session. i could see that people were having fun, enjoying themselves, interacting with one another. but i'm just not there. i'm physically there but my mind is drifted far away. i may looked like an anti-social, or maybe i was. i felt lost as seeing people with their cliques and me without one. i think i wasn't ready to open out. i'm just wasn't myself. i'm not that girl that my close friends knew. i'm not that silly girl who makes people laugh. i'm just like a statue. well, i guess i miss my afternoon nap and have insufficient energy for the night. futhermore, i wasn't really feeling that well. and maybe some of my close friends wasn't there. thanks for those who are concerned, i'm deeply touched and really appreciate it.

a friend of mine and me was in charge of the day's programme, basically to organise some games. i was really glad it was a successful one. i can see the competitive in the floorball players and their eagerness to win. on top of that, they were indeed enjoying themselves just by looking at their faces. smiles were seen and laughter filled the air. thanks for giving me a chance to plan out. and it was the first time i got thrown out to the sea. thanks. haha.

in the mist of the night, when people are busily barbecuing their food while some are intensely listening to their friends chattering, me and hidayah went to a quiet spot at the sandy area to take a look at the stars. it was just amazing looking and observing the stars as they were too pretty and sparkling. i felt protected by the stars above me as there were too many of them. it looked as if the stars are having fun too. being in a hectic schedule never brought me to have a rest and enjoy nature. imagine you're surrounded with stars and listening to the sound of the waves and your legs is covered with the sand, far away from noises. it's just you and your senses. you will then appreciate to trust your senses. the experienced was a tranquilizer for me and the setting was just romantic. it was not as if it was my first time looking at stars. but yesterday, i really needed them to accompany me. needed them to celebrate with me.

you may think what was there to celebrate? but if you were to take time and looked within yourself, then you will realise every day is a celebration. thank god for the good health. thank god for the food. thank god for my lovely families. thank god for showing me the light when i'm at the darkest moments. thank god for the friends i have. thank god for lifting me up when i'm dreading. thank god for bringing someone special and someone you hold deeply in your heart. and the list will never stop. every single thing happened for a reason, even those tiny weenie things that you thought it doesn't matter. therefore you shouldn't hate living. and instead cherish it and look forward for more challenges, never ever regret.

due to the farewell party, i'm not able to turn up for kidsREAD yesterday. hopefully the class goes smoothly and the kids had fun with the other 'teachers'. haha.

i've been reading books written by lurlene mcdaniels. her books are kinda depressing, stories about people having sickness but it makes me thankful to have good health and reflect life.

am taking my final theory test in 3 weeks time and perhaps my practical test in late june. hope it will goes smoothly as planned.

you all can just stop reading here. below is just something i feel like blabbering about someone. most of you may find it boring. so guys, i rather you skip it. haha.

it was more than expected to have the stars to be there to celebrate with me. before heading to east coast park, hidayah and me planned to meet so we can go together. suddenly, something strucked my mind. *smiles* and i smsed you regarding my suggestions. i was having mixed feelings when i went out. i wanted badly to see you as i miss you so much. but on the other hand, you may not be there. i tried really hard to ignore what was bothering me but i'm just to weak to let it fly by. because the thing was i really wanted to see you. and boy, i was so relieved when you called. the stuff that been hanging me down, suddenly has been lifted off. haha. and i can never forget out miscommunication yesterday. due to that, two trains past. haha. but thinking back, maybe it's coincidence; a sequence of events that although accidental seems to have been planned or arranged. because if we were to board the any of the two previous train, the chances of hidayah meeting her friend is extremely low and i would have to divide my attention between the both of you. i would like to spend as much time with you. luckily, her friend was there. even though it was less than an hour spending time with you, but nevertheless, i enjoyed every second of it. i was just engulfed with blissfulness to be able to see you. sorry if you had to repeat yourself. the environment was noisy but that wasn't the reason. the main reason was i can't admire you and hear what you said at the same time. *ehem* even though i can multi task. haha. your shades was a barrier, not only i'm not able to see your eyes but i have to see my own reflection on it. *smiles* thankfully, you took it out. only then i could look steadily, intently, and with fixed attention at your eyes and get lost in the reality and transported to another realm. it has that power, something you should be proud of. haha. thanks for your company once again. i'm addicted to you and i missing you. *grins* and i didn't think that i have those effects on you. haha.