+!rEd...

been heading out and coming home late this few couple of days.
not late, late. still acceptable late. before 2230hrs.
haha.
who was i with all along?
it's either shikin or suliza.
or both.
thanks cronies!
had fun, but not that fun, fun.
well.
everything has seasons.

was just extremely overjoyed!
able to drive that fat car independently without any adults to comments.
and it wasn't that bad at all.
it's like 3 weeks after enving my dad driving, only then i'm driving it.
haha.
pleasant thing takes time.

okay people, i will be away for 3 days.
away from net.
away from my phone from 1700hrs onwards on 30th sept till 1630hrs on 2nd oct.
i wonder how i'll survive.
but i will.
i will be in camp, floorball training camp.
it will have lots of running, no doubt.
i'm aiming to learn something from there.
to improve, not to remain stagnant.
do miss me, heh.
well, i bet you all will.

suliza, thanks, thanks.

shikin, we're now in the same shoes or do you prefer boat?
but we may get sunk in the boat.*grins*
let's find ways together.
haha.

you:
it's your first day!
i'm so excited for you.
too bad, i'm not able to hear you whine or tell me on your first day.
wear nice nice. *winks*
haha.
one advice: have patience.
take care.
i will and miss you.

50rry...

good morning!

attention miss suliza:
i'm sorry.
really truly am.
i wasn't in the correct frame of mind.
i was too harsh.
i wasn't tactful.
i know you called not to hear those nagging.
but i can't help it.
i'm just worried for you.
i hope you understand my situation pal.
i wouldn't wish to see this tiff to make us apart, instead, i hope it will make us even closer.
i have some stuffs that i wish to talk about.
those stuffs like who i saw (the girl who is very obedient).
those updates about your mysterious guy.
and more.
on top of it, i love you.
being friends with you for 7 years is really something.
i treasure those times when we had petty little fights in lower sec.
haha.
two naive, childish little brats.
sorry again.
now, now. what's really happening on the 26th october?
*grins*

yesterday was just pathetic.
it was really a bad, horrendous day for me.
i have no idea what's struck me.
it seems like my mind was full with needless stuffs.
it was stressful.
hope today will be a better, wonderful day.

the match with uwc was ok.
we won.
but it seems that i didn't improve myself.
it's like i'm stuck at my standard, unable to bring myself higher.
that is pathetic.
*sighs*
had a few chances of scoring, but wasted all of it.
am still searching of the main ingredient that i'm lacking.
*ponders*

came home at about 2340hrs after a floorball committee meeting.
meeting was regarding the training camp that we'll having this friday.
i just hope it will go on smoothly as planned.

thanks for those who tried to make my day.
*smiles*

shikin, we're gonna have fun!
go sleep early.
haha.

it's my pleasure knowing you shafie.

you:
thanks for your concerns.
was kinda touched by it.
have a wonderful day today.
and all the best!
*ps do watch your back at times.
cause you may never know.
*sticks out tongue*

enj0ymen+...

thursday, had a friendly with yjc.
overall, it was a ok game.
can be better.
learnt something.
and had a mini self reflection.
girls, if i have a mistake or some sort, do point it out.
i rather know the truth earlier.
rather than being the last to know.
please.
thanks.

24-09-05 12:16
Good morning my best buddy in the whole wide world! Heh heh.. U free to chat?

above, a sms from suliza.
look at the mistake.
it's already afternoon and yet she said morning.
and on top of it, she's sucking up to me.
haha. pal, no matter how ugly you tell me i am, i'll still call you. but not to chat, but to scream and yell at you! haha.
by the way, thanks pal.
she must be really jaded from the previous night outing.

she called me around midnight just to remind me to watch a show on channel u, saying it's about a high school romantic story.
what a pal, willing to take the trouble to call.
but guess what?
the show turned out to be some ghost story.
suliza, grow up. *sticks out tongue*
suliza, what occasion is it on the october 26?
i bet you will be humming a birthday tune.

and that reminder phone call grew to be a chatter period for us.
had a great time laughing our head off over certain topics.
haha. it was tiring laughing in the wee hours in the morning.
nevertheless, it was fun.
after 2 hours of hearing her voice, both of us decided to hit the sack.

shikin, i am really glad for you.
i hope there's sparkle today.
don't forget to inform me the juicy, hot news.
i'm excited! haha.
remember, i'll always be there for you.

had a blast on friday!
it's been a long time since i really unwind myself.
to laugh at old memories.
those stupid, lame memories of st. marg's.
haha.
it felt so so good!
thanks to the three individuals who were around me the whole day.
and thanks to you.

we took neoprints.
and it was good.
we were oh, so pretty!
let's do it one more time!

i was trying not to hope.
which i tried very hard.
and like what suliza said, the timing was perfect.
yeah, can't agree more.
*poof* you were there.
*grinning*
i was flabbergasted.
i was shivering.
my heartbeat went extra fast.
coldness started to set in.
i stayed put in my track.
my brain just freeze.
unable to think what to do.
until suliza made it.
haha.
it was truly great seeing you again after 10 days.
you look good as usual.

9e+ well 500n...

to you:
get well soon!
i was kinda taken aback knowing that you're sick.
well, don't overwork yourself.
instead, concentrate on getting your health back on track.
as you need to be of good health for tomorrow evening.
geez, man boy, i'm so excited for you!
weeeeeeeee! *jumping around like the turtle icon*
share with me the details.
haha.
take care.
miss you still.

floorball here i come.
having a match this evening.
i'm sure it's gonna be a good experience.
looking forward to it.
np vs yjc.

h@ppy b!r+hd@y f@+!n...

happy 8th birthday nurul fatin syazwani!
may you have joy and happiness for the years to come!
grow up and don't be such a pain. *sticks out tongue*
i love you too sis!
*hugs*

22 september, hmm..
3 more months till i've turn 19.
oh man. i so hate dislike 19.
an awkward number.
hanging between the mature and naive years.
i'm e-i-g-h-t-e-e-n and still loving it.

well, well.
what can i say?
time changes and we need to be flexible in order to adapt to it.
my mom was already pregnant with me when she's my age.
while my grandma has already had a son at my age.
what am i doing at my age?
thank goodness, i'm still enjoying life, studying without being tied down.
it's not that i'm saying that the previous generation are not enjoying life.
maybe to them, they are.
maybe having a family makes them enjoy life.
everyone has different perspective on happiness.
is early marriage good?
well everything has it pros and cons.
but it's how the pros/cons outweight the cons/pros.

if i have a chance, it will be nice to have a family now.
being able to shower your children with your love and concern.
but thinking again, we need to be stable in other to survive.
so i rather save extra money to have a better life for my family.
in short, i'm not rushing for marriage.
the latest age that i want to get married is 28.
the fatest?
anytime now.
haha.
but i still am not ready to be a wife.
i need to brush up on my house chores skills, cooking skills, blah, blah, blah.
it's ain't easy.
give it time.

and above all,
i wonder who is my soul mate.
i wonder who is my neverending bestfriend.
i wonder who is the one who has to endure my insanity at times.
i wonder who is the one who never ever gives up on me.
i wonder who is the one who can understand me.
i wonder who is the one that never failed to encourage me.
i wonder who is the one who is constanly making me a better person.
i wonder who is the one who will loves me no matter how silly i look.
i wonder who is the one who i will spent my life with.
i wonder who is the one who loves and accepts me for who i am.
i'm looking forward for the one.

every single day is a gift from god and it is unexpected.
just wait and see.
it may take days.
it may take weeks.
it may take months.
it may take years.
or perhaps it may take a decade.

i sob late at night, feeling melacholic all alone.
nah, i didn't have a fight.
it was while watching indecent proposal.
a movie dated back to 1993.
it's just so gloomy and it moved me.
the plot summary was:
a young couple very much in love are married and have started their respective careers, she as a real estate broker, he as an architect.
she finds the perfect spot to build his dream house, and they get loans to finance it.
when the recession hits, they stand to lose everything they own, so they go to vegas to have one shot at winning the money they need.
after losing at the tables, they are approached by a millionaire who offers them a million dollars for a night with the wife.
though the couple agrees that this is a way out of their financial dilemma, it threatens to destroy their relationship.

lesson learnt: love can conqure any harsh things and memories can never be forgetten, especially those good ones.

to you:
i'm totally proud of you!
don't ask me what for.
but i am.
i miss hearing your energized voice.
i miss catching up with you.
i miss seeing you.
i miss you.
*hugs*

@dven+ure...

had a tiring day yesterday.
went out to did a reconnaissance on some ulu place.
i was scared at some period of time.
walk and walk and walk.
it was kinda fun though.

met up with suliza to accompany her for lunch.
it was just so good to see her again.
she's always full of surprises.
you may never know how she may look like in a few days to come as she kept on experimenting with her hair, clothes and etc.
i'm looking forward for friday.
i wonder what she will wear, what's the outcome of her hair.
pal, i still yet to figure out how we can connect.
we are way different individuals.
you the funky, rebellious type.
while me, the serious goody-two-shoes kinda girl.
whatever it is, i've always have fun and enjoy myself when i'm with you.
thanks for the endless fun.
and pal remember, we're too hot for people to resist that's the reason why we are always being stared at.
*puking away*

had an adventure with her.
it was like picking up those bread crumbs and solving some clues together.
haha.
it was really fun lar!
well, it was scary too.
not ghostly scary, it's kinda like avoiding-this-person-scary.
had a fun time perspiring!
pal, this is way better than a workout at gym lar.
haha.
we should do this often.
if there is ever an amazing race for us, maybe we should join.
hahahaha.
but then again, i'm having second thoughts.
we will be arguing and showing shitty faces lar.
haha.

it's glad to know you're safely home shikin!
will catch up with you soon alrite?
till then, save the souvenir from thailand for me.
*ehem* if there is.
haha.
i so miss you!

i learnt something new. (don't whether it's correct cause both has the same meaning.)
sweat is used for animals.
while human for perspire.
so if you think you're like an animal, you will say you sweat.
if you're thinking that you're a human being, you will say you perspire.
ok, i don't think you get it.

gonna head to school soon for some sports facilities survey.
which i'll go home, have lunch and head back to school in the evening for floorball!
i wanna have fun!

to you:
have fun cat-ing.
don't inhale it too much, wear a mask!
haha.
i still think of you.

+he d@+e...

i wrote a long entry last night but it's all gone due to my recklessness.
i bet most of you have experienced that and the feeling is just so unbearable, it feels like you need to strangle someone to release that tension.
whatever it is, it's gone and i need to retype the entry again.

*recalling*

oh yes, it wasn't raining yesterday.
and my date was able to go on smoothly.
woke up kinda late and took my time dressing up.
need to look good.
i can't afford to have a sloppy outlook lar.
but too bad, no matter how hard i tried to look cheery and alive,
i still look tired and the eye bags are there.
so dead.

the objectives of the date is to remove and collect data on the degradable debris from the shorelines, waterways and beaches of the world's lakes, rivers and oceans.
the area that was assigned was a mangrove site.
so basically it's picking up litters and rubbish on the muddy ground and recording the amounts of items in their catergories.
of course with gloves on!
ewww. i know. you may be disgusted and perhaps you may be making some funny faces now.
yeah, you all may be thinking what the hell is she thinking? doesn't she has a better date?
sadly, no.
so take note, if you wanna ask me for a date, plan a nice one.
haha.
it wasn't that i was forced to clean it up.
instead i have a choice and i volunteered up for it.

the place was really a mess lar.
it was horrible, the place was surrounded with rubbish.
ranging from large to tiny ones.
you can find stuffs that you can never expect. eg, underwear, condoms and etc.
but mostly of the things we collected were plastics bags.
it a good exercise for me.
been ages since i do a proper one.
90 mins of squating and picking up those litters.
and i got to go through some obstacles due to the branches of the trees which are growing wildly.
it was like the mangrove clean up organised by the green volunteers which i went with suliza, the difference was that yesterday's place wasn't that muddy and we have to do those recording.
but seriously, the place was disheartening for me.

*sighs*
if only human beings are more responsible.
come on, what do you get from littering? from leaving your stuffs behind? by dumping stuffs in the sea?
ok lar, you get convenience as you need not have to walk to the nearest dustbin.
instead you just dump your unused stuffs on the ground.
but please, do you think of the consequences? i doubt so.
cause if you do, you won't be doing those silly stuffs.
please do not litter.
keep our environment clean and green.
and please remind your friends who constantly needed to be reminded.
i have such friends.
i think i'm like a pest bugging them every time not to litter.
but please.
remember the formula below.
no litter = no pest.

ok, enough of littering.

next, the holidays!
am still wondering what should i do for the holidays.
6 weeks x 7 days = 42 days.
first on the list was to meet up with miss suliza and watch corpse bride!
sorry pal that i kept posponing the dates.
i miss gossiping catching up with you.
i miss driving!
it's been like 10 days since i last drive.
all because i'm still not confident in driving the new car.
the car is bigger and fatter.
just hope to drive, one fine day.
next, floorball.
i miss playing the game.
i miss sweating like nobody business.
i miss being pushed.
i miss pushing people around.
i miss running around with the ball.
i miss the drills.
i miss my floorball girls.
i miss floorball!

back to the holidays...
maybe i'll learn how to cook.
maybe i'll bake new cookies.
maybe i'll go over my aunt's house and help her out with the cleaning up.
maybe i'll finish reading a couples of books.
maybe i'll watch those dvds.
maybe i'll upgrade my blog.
maybe i'll learn how to sew.
maybe i'll ...
aiyo, still i don't know what to do.
let just see what is in store for me.

and today wasn't a great start for me.
oh whatever.
i got through it.
and it just brightens up my day when you called.
it's just an instant jump in my mood meter.
thanks.
you should see how madly i was grinning to myself.
haha.
and the other phone call was yet another good one.
it was just great to hear your voice.

this is what i call a celebration!
i was rewarded with chocolates today!
dad brought sisters and me out.
and we bought stuffs all chocolate flavour.
chocolates biscuits, hersey's kisses, cadbury chocolates, guylian, bonjour chocolate chip bread, wall's chocolate heaven.
one wonderful chocolates treats!
thanks dad. love you lots.
and not forgetting you mom. love you too.

to you:
nothing's changed.
i was really suprised by those words you used on me.
thanks for having that faith in me.
i never had a friend like you.
you fall into a new catergory of friends.
no doubt about that.
and i dare to say, you're the first member.
haha.
congrats on the scores today!
i'm sure am proud of you. *smiles*
and remember i've always see you as the first time i laid my eyes on you.

f!n@LLy...

*screams my lungs out*

hoooooooorrraayyyy!
it's over! no more revising and touching of notes for at least 6 weeks.
oh man, i am just so overjoyed!
this one whole week was a torture, horrendous, awful, terrible.

i was unwell, had the same viral thing on my throat which causes me to feel lethargic and left me aching all over. it was just terrible lar.

plant pathology and entomology
planting and maintenance
nursery management
plant biochemistry and physiology

the bold ones were shitty. really shitty.
the past years questions weren't there. way different.
it required more thinking.
i hate dislike thinking questions.
as everyone think differently and have different views.
but the lecturers are only looking for answers that are similiar to the model answer key.
which i think it's unfair lar.
some may think in the box while other think out of the box.
but having a model answer key, it only encourages people to think within the same line, it does not allow anyone to have outrageous thinking. which will inhibits creativity.
and to add on, the questions they were asking were un-understandable.
i have no idea what were they asking for.
and how can you answer something that you don't know or you can't understand?
you may leave it _____ or you may give them some bullshit answers.
well, i gave a cowshit answer.
and maybe i'll get weed marks due to the very nutritional dung answer.

this week was really bad,
the worst terrible insomnia ever!
i had insomnia for like almost every day this week.
it was really hard for me to get to my beauty rest.
my eyes and body is really in need of the rest but i just can't sleep.
whenever i tried to sleep, dreams and nightmares started to crawl and spinning me into a web and *poofs*
back to square 1.
i had to try to put myself to sleep again.
i have no idea why i was experincing this.
anxious? well, it can't be. o's levels were 10 times more stressful.
so basically, i have dark rings + eye bags.
so unpretty.
haha.

it's just a relief that examinations is finally done with.
it's just a relief that i've get through this whole unstable week.
alhamdulillah.

but within the dysphoric week, there was my favourite day. *winks cum grinning cheekily* it was a ----day.
and also i kept on eating guylian chocolates! *drools at the thoughts of it*
and today, i had pure chocolate from coffee bean
now am thinking of chocolate heaven by walls ice cream. *ehem*
am munching m&m's crispy. yum yum.
i'm in love with chocolates!

next up, the results.
that will be in early october, few days after fasting.
this is another headachy process.
all i know is, i won't do well as last semester, that's for sure.
am just hopping for the best.
what's done can't be undone.

tomorrow i have a date at the beach.
early in the morning some more.
it should be 1 great date ah.
a way to destress myself (like someone said) *cough, cough*
it's a coastal cleanup at pasir ris park.
woo hoo! my first time cleaning up the beach.
well, it was suppose to be my second's
the 'first' one was during secondary school, was supposed to be a post exam activity but
it got cancelled due to the rain.
so please don't rain tomorrow.
i'm so excited ah. picking up litters. doing my part in the environment.
interesting.

i soooo love being me.

to you:
thanks for the uplifting spirts you gave me.
thanks for the endless support.
thanks for those smses that makes my day.
thanks for understanding.
thanks for making me feel at ease.
thank you.

de-5+re55!n9... life-part 1

take your time for a moment to read this.

have you ever ponder what do you really want in life?

and again, even though you have the things that you really need or want, you are still unsatisfied?

are human greedy? it seems like everything is not suffice and not up to their standard. they are constanly searching for the better quality and quantity.

why can't they realised that they are so much fortunate than others in the third world countries?

those people there are suffering much more, without any food to eat, clothes to warmth themselves, no shelter above their head. unlike us, who have unlimited amount of food, nice, clean and pleasant environment to live in, and clothes that we bragged about.

i admire those strengths and courage of the people. even though it is unpleasant for us, it seems that they are able to go through with life with ease.

we take the environment that we live in for granted. they don't whine and complain like we do. to think about it, it is contradicting. we, who are much luckier than them, having more money to spend, having a good place to live in, complain. while those poorer and unfortunate people don't. isn't it suppose to be the opposite? those unfortunate to complain, while those luckier ones just be grateful and keep their mouth shut?

hope: a wish or desire accompanied by confident expectation of its fulfillment (definition taken from dictionary.com) this word has been commonly used and we tend to rely on it. we expect a miracle, something to change our luck. but how can those things happens if we don't do something about it? take for an example a scenario. i hope the exams paper will be easy. without revising and putting in my hard work, of course every paper will be hard , even though it's the simplest paper ever. can you see it more clearly now? talk and hoping without actions is just a waste of breath and time. do something, make hope happen.

are we too pampered that we are blinded by all the different situations around the world? can we change our attitudes?

people are too free that they want to find trouble and what do they benefit from there? happiness? bull-shit. don't tell me getting a few strokes of the cane can fulfil your happiness. i don't think anyone wants that. unless they are a bunch of psycho.

what do you want to achieve in life?

you want that dream girl of yours? or you want to be that famous chef? or perhaps just being an ordinary patriotic citizen?

everyone has different answers on that. it depends on how each individual look towards working on their goals. everyone has to go through their own journey.

i can't deny during the process on getting toward the goals, we learnt lots of new things and we even thought we are a failure and those negative remarks people gave us which cut us deeply. if only we're able to record ourselves since the first day we're born and reflect through those hardships we have overcome. i am sure we will be proud of ourselves. there is one moment which you should be proud of, that is when you're a toddler and you're trying to learn how to walk. finally after months of umpteen times of falling and crying, we stand on our two feet to walk without any assistance. i don't think our hippocampus that is found in our brain is ready for functioning, thus we don't remember that period of time.

there is only one earth. we can't run away from it. why don't people just try to like one another and make the world a peaceful place to live? why must we take advantage of it?

keep on striving for those who think they have fail in life. cause no one has the permission to judge us except for god.

i hope it was worth reading and it triggers your brain cells and you're able to learnt more about yourself.

do yourself a favor, start thinking and make the world a better place for you and me.

thank you and god bless.

now now, what do i really want?

to you: i'm really sorry for the uncontrollable mood of mine. thanks for understanding. get well soon!

9re@+ cR@zy d@y...

*screams*

examinations coming, how sucky is that?

will have to mug this week.

having 4 papers this semester

12th plant pathology and entomology
13th planting maintenance
15th nursery management
16th plant biochemistry and physiology

god bless me.

and again, i feel so great with school ending. hoooo-ray!

didn't attend the yellow ribbon walk due to kidsread. and oh man, we're running out of volunteers and the kids are getting out of hand.

i forced my sister to accompany me as i was the only one taking care of the 4-5 years. haha. no lesson plan. all unprepared. did colouring with them and read them a book. it's really hard taking control of 9 playful kids for 90 mins.

sunday, spent the day at my aunt's house to finish up my autocad project. i was literally sitting on the chair in front of the com from 12-4 and 5-10, to count, it's 9 hours. feeling the effects now, my butt and back is aching. i hope it's worth it.

today, woke up all alone in my aunt's house. can't stand to see the mess and decided to clean up. it's just so refreshing cleaning up, especially when you're alone. doing the chores, makes me feel independent.

am heading to peace centre later to plot out the autocad stuffs on a1 paper, which then head back to school to hand it in. i hope it will go on smoothly.

i had a great time with you in. thanks, it's been a long time since i made a fool out of myself. it felt so good to have someone laughs at and with you. thanks for your advices. i just need someone to assure me. thank you again.

i'm happy for you in. *winks*

to you: i think we're doing fine right? haha. do have a good time revising. and all the best for you papers. *grins* i kept smelling of you every day. i can't go on a day without your images in my mind. i miss you a lot.

during that depressed period, i did enjoyed myself too. to have my time spent with you is worth it. i won't exchange it with other stuffs as it's priceless and precious. having you to encourage me all the way, makes me feel at ease and make me to believe in myself. thank you. you're someone i won't be able to forget. trust me on that.

*in a so un-excited tone*

revision here i come!

reL!ef, f!n@LLy...

finally, the week that i dread the most has breeze through with some bumps on the way. but what the heck, it's over! O-V-E-R! i learnt a lot of valuble lessons during the process. i hope i'm able to keep those unavoidable mistakes from happening. it's been like a 'curse' since primary school. well, actually the curse all started with bad planning and procrastinating that keeps on building up. *sighs* lack of self discipline leads me to disaster and feeling shitty. i seriously need to change. i can't keep on going on this way, it will bring me down.

now i'm looking forward to the one week break. but before i can do that, i have something to finish up. *sighs*

life, life. always full of troubles.
a lot of stuffs has been happening for the past few days. i've been experiencing lots of different emotions too. well. life is a never-ending learning process for us. without knowing it, you learnt some tiny weenie stuffs every single day.

i don't know how should i feel.