and i was awoken with a painful feeling.
it was so painful that it left me breathless.
the pain came from a dream that seems to be so real.
the content maybe be funny and illogical.
the dream was about 2 people falling in love,
and i can still remember vividly that the 2 people were me and the partner.
we fell in love.
we enjoyed each other company and are in love.
i was so happy.
but the problem was that the partner is from indonesia who came here to work.
what saddens me was that he had to go back to his hometown.
that separation was the one which hurts me most.
it left me heartbroken and depressed.
it was really hard for me to accept the fact that he will not be able to come back to me due to some paper issues.
because in the dream which is the same as real life,
i really love him.
i still remember asking him before he leave "will we still be able to get married and spend our lives together?"
and he replied "insyaallah" (god willing)
that was when i woke up with a heavy heart.
the moment i woke up,
my brain cells were triggering lots of questions between the reality and the dream.
until a moment later,
i am able to be back in reality,
and it sinks in to me that the the reason i might be having this dream is because i don't want to lose my partner.
even typing this down,
my eyes get watery.
the dream that i had is just a preview of what i would have to feel if i were to lose him.
it was really hard for me to move on with life.
it was depressing.
and i wouldn't want that to happen.
i know i have survived through break-ups.
but a break-up with the partner is gonna damaged me.
because a part of me will be gone.
because this relationship that we have is too precious to let it go,
we both know that we truly love each other and need one another.
this is the most beautiful feeling that i never felt before.
we don't have a conflict free relationship,
we argued at times,
and we sailed together through the harsh times.
it is those arguments that made us realised how much we need one another.
we have plenty of happy, wonderful times together.
it's an ecstatic feeling.
mutalib dearest,
i love you and i never want to let you go.
falling in love with you is the best thing that ever happened to me.