song changed

lalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalala.

and yet again,
i've changed my song again!
it's another old song.
heard it once over the radio and i got hooked to the simple repetitive lyrics.

a-ti-rah... i love you!
you're the one, the one for me...

why the change?
firstly, to let joanna listen to it.
secondly, it has that fun loving song!
thirdly, it's something to cheer me up after a stupid silly paper.

i'm sure the partner is gonna love this song.
right darling?

lalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalala.

2 more papers and i'm done!
then i can plan for the 21st and the trip.

i can't wait! i can't wait!

can the exams format be changed?
can we have the freedom of writing? typing? talking?
i perfer to talk.
heh.
no need to waste $$ by buying stationeries.
just waste your saliva.
save the environment.

syahirah!
you have a safe journey!
and have lots of fun!

it'll be a week since i last saw the partner.
my weekend will be booked.
with shikin's day and a first aid course on sunday morning.
):
honey, a date on friday evening?
i wanna spend time with you.
i miss you lahh.

baby,
we will go there once we have enough $$$$$$!
i can't wait!

quote of my own

the longer we are together, the clearer it gets that we're meant for each other. - nurul atirah

and yes,
i've changed my song.
it gave me a serenity whenever i listen to it.
i doubt most of you like it.

don't ask how was my sleep.
i'm still trying to get over it that i didn't have a good quality sleep.
i kept tossing and turning, eyes closed but my mind didn't switch off.
there were so many random things that was going through my mind.
especially about life and love.

have i live my life the way that god has planned out for me?
how long more will it takes till i become the person i am meant to be?
will i be a good wife?
will i even be a good role model to my kids?
am i a person worthy of god's love?
what can i do to be a better sister?
what is a soul?
why am i the person i am?

of course, these are questions with ambiguous answer.

like anyone else,
i need assurance, encouragement and support.
as much as you believe in yourself,
but there isn't anyone to be there for you,
you are nothing.

i shouldn't be worrying about all this question,
instead focus on the upcoming papers.
but no,
my mind is filled with unnecessary stuffs.

a friend has commented that i look thinner.
she thought that she was seeing an illusion
haha.
in fact,
i've lose weight for no whatever reason.
i've reached my targeted weight and now, the partner owe me a hundred bucks.
heh.

being beautiful is not only by the outlook.
one should have an inner glow that sees everyone as the person they are to be, not what they ought to be.
i believe if you have a beautiful soul,
it will show throughout your lifetime.
compare to a beautiful face/figure,
it will change.
nothing is permanent, except your soul.

excuse me for so many thoughts.
i am just in my philosophical mood.

in the thoughts,
why do you always appear?
is it because in my lifetime,
i never love someone as much as you?
or is it that i can never ever express how i really feel for you because no words can describe it?
or it's both?

when i'm with you,
it's blissful.

disney magic show.

last sunday morning,
i went for the disney magic show with the cc participants.
it was simply magical!

i was amazed by their magic tricks.
it was a mini david copperfield show.
jasmine was being lifted up in the stage.
whenever they close the curtain of the chair and open it again, disney's characters kept coming out from a chair.
it was really entertaining!
i gave it 9/10!
i was a happy child.

afterwhich i attend a wedding with the partner, study while the partner played soccer and had dinner together.

yesterday was the first paper.
and it was an open book exam.
that paper contributes 60% of the overall module.

and i have 2 papers on thursday.
closed book.
so it means,
memorizing!
urgh.

i have to say this!
the golden girls is hilarious!
you ought to watch it.
every weekday at 10.30 channel 5.
i always had a good time laughing whenever i see it.

alright,
i shall go back to my readings.
all the best people!

i am in love with you.

a dream that made me feel.

i woke up realizing that i wouldn't want to lose the partner.
all because of a dream.
a dream that touched me deeply.
when i was back to reality,
my eyes were filled with tears.

i can't even imagine how i am to move on with life without him.
i will be helpless, with a huge important part of me missing.
i wouldn't want to think about it.

even expressing how i feel for the partner in this post,
my eyes get watery.

he is the one that my mind, heart and body has set on.
and i know he has treated me as well as he can.
he always want to pleased me.
even in an argument,
he still have faith in us.
he's not perfect but his flaws teaches me a lot of valuable lessons in life.

there are days when i am moody,
but at the end of the day,
it's him that i want to hear from,
it's still him that i can't get enough of,
it's his sentimental smses that i read over and over again.
it's still him that i love.

he has become a need, not a want.

i love you with all my heart.
and i know, you too sweetheart.

i can't wait to start a life together with you.
because i know there is so much more to look forward to.

this girl needs her partner.

the twice town

and so we went town.
yes, again.

those we have yet to visit orchard road,
below is a preview of what you're gonna see.


thanks goodness there was a book in the library that i may need for my exam on mon.
if not for the book, i have to rely on my insufficient notes.

i want the exam weeks to zoom past.
so that i can start planning for holidays!

oh yes,
we went to a shop to look for his soccer boots.
and i burst out laughing when we went out of the store.
the salesman, a man in his forties,
thought that i'm the partner's wife.
the salesman said: "you can ask you wife, blah....."
both of us just kept quiet, giving each other glances.
then while paying,
the salesman (looking at my direction and asked in a serious tone): do you work in the singapore airlines? because you look like one of them.
hahahahaahhahaah!
i can't take that!!
the partner was already giving me his cheeky smile.
before heading out of the store,
the salesman: are you both married?
the partner: ahhh. yes.
the salesman: any children?
the partner: not yet.
the salesman: thank you sir, do take care of this (pointing to me) beautiful baby.
hahahahaha!
the funniest conversation ever!

he was an obedient boy.
he wore what i told him to.
heh.


and finally,
after sooooo lonnngggg,
the partner and i watched a midnight movie.
the kingdom.
it was an action show, with nice flow of the story.

we had 2 hours to kill and we ate supper and play arcade.
it was simply fun!
it felt good to be a child again.




looking at his second love.

i have no comments.



i love you baby!
you change the impossible into possible.
=)

happy birthday puan rubiah!

22nd november was the partner's mom's birthday.
his parents, the partner and i had a simple celebration.

was digging through the photo album and came across the below picture which was taken a year ago.
the one in blue is my grandma.
while the one on the right is the partner's mom.
they can be seen as siblings maybe because of their sepet eyes.


had a discussion about weddings and his mom suggested not to get married in december due to some reasons.
heh.


makcik, mama in, mama and nenek.
the ladies that have huge impact on me.

woah,
time flies,
less than a month,
i'll be 21.
and that sounds old.

i love you baby,
and your family too.
with you, i can't never be more happier than the life i'm having now.
thanks for loving me darling!

helpppp...

i feel depressed!
apart from the cramping of information in the brain,
i can't eat food that i wanna eat (it's worst than fasting).
not that i'm on diet.
it's all due to ulcer!
stupid ulcer on the left, near the entrance of my mouth.
urgh!
it took me a much longer time to finish my meal.
my eyes automatically get watery whenever a food touches it.
what is more terrible?
knowing that i'm a person who love to laugh at the simplest of things,
i have to try my very best now not to smile or laugh cause it hurts whenever i do that.
i do hope to get well asap.
hopefully by tomorrow evening so that i can have a nice dinner to celebrate the partner's mom's birthday.
please be ok.

to the girl who was holding the suitcase of 5 in deal or no deal,
joanne,
we shall meet up sooonn!

after 4 days of not seeing the partner,
i have 3 dates with him!
hooo weee!

i was thinking of having my 21st at mandai orchid garden.
oh, i miss that place!







but mom was reluctant because it is inaccessible.
unless my friends don't mind waiting for a 15 mins interval buses that either goes to 2 places.
for the sake of my friends, i'll skip that.
and will think of some other places.

now now my books has been away from me for hours,
i need to get back to them.

oh darling,
i sooo can't wait to see you and be silly with you!

song dedication

late night or should i say in the wee hours of the morning,
while i was revising,
i received a sms.
"this song is for you baby..."

i walked 5 metres to the radio.
and i tuned to our favourite radio station.
i smiled to myself once i heard the song.
it was 'for the first time' by kenny loggins.
i was moved by the song that my eyes were welled with tears of happiness.
at that moment, i wish i could cuddle up with him to enjoy the song together sipping hot chocolate.
what will make it better is if he sings for me.
especially when he made a fool of himself to present me the song.
haha!

you know when you listen to songs,
there were times when you wish your partner will be singing that particular song for you because the lyrics meant so much to you.

it wasn't the first time he sent me such sms.
it has been a few times,
each dedicating song to me.
whenever he does that,
i never fail to smile foolishly and feel in love.

i am still very much in love with you sweetheart!
i like hearing your gentle and soft wake up sound honey,
it makes me want to love you even more but i can't
because i already love you with all my heart.
you are worth loving darling!
love inspires me and you're my inspiration.

shrieked! i'm stressed

shrieked!
i'm stress from studying!

):

and i miss my partner,
terribly.


baby, all the best for your last paper!

last friday

procrastination-in-progress.
i put off my study to edit the above.
heh.

imagine

i read syahirah's blog and i was tagged.

Give 5 material desires, or wants and tag 5 other people.

now now, let me indulge in my fantasy.

1) an extravagant, spacious house that is furnished by the highest quality furnitures with very beautiful landscaping, that includes a swimming pool. (the toilets must be those that i don't mind staying for a long, long time in it)

2) a whole range of cars in my garage, wait isn't a private jet better?

3) pampering the partner, my family and my close friends with anything they want.

4) a chain of my own shopping malls (i already have plans how i am going to allocated the different areas, it's a mall for everyone!)

5) an extravagent wedding, that includes from the wedding cards to the theme to the kinds of fresh flowers i would like to match the whole theme to the wedding dress to the band that is playing the nice soothing music to the banquet to the wedding door gifts to the (there is so much more!).

have a great time imagining friends!

1. shikin
2. suliza
3. nazierah
4. nunu
5. ida

that was fun!
if only.
if i were to have that lifestyle,
will i know the importance of life?

had a simple date with the partner and iklil.
iklil was held by him on her left hand and i on her right hand.
she had fun seeing the christmas decoration and lights at orchard road.

and i had a great time spending time with the partner and her.

one night,
the partner called me up to talk about his savings.
his savings for the marriage.
our marriage.
until he has save sufficient to hold a decent wedding,
i think then he will pop the real question.
i think lah.

sweetheart,
i never been this real with anyone else.

monopoly interior and expectations

i love the interior!




the girl who deserved it.


i really don't mind having this for my birthday gift.
heh.

the unwillingblooddonation has made me feel hungry whenever i wake up and whenever i'm heading to bed.
can't we ever have a peaceful one?

exams is coming right up.
urgh.
why most of us dislikes exams?
it all boils down to the results.
the results that shows whether you are smart or you are dumb.
and i know it hurts to be labelled 'dumb'.
smart = been attentive in lectures, did your readings religiously and know the subject in depth
dumb = you're just been slacking lazily throughout the semester.
so in order to get good grades,
you revise like hell.
because when you see the ugly grades,
automatically you'll be depressed and you try to get away from studying which will then prevent you from getting a better results.
it is a cycle.
because you think that you're lousy at studies and why should you push yourself more and in the end lose your interest in studying.
maybe that's the key reason why people keep failing.
they had interest in studying but along the way, they lose it.
maybe all they need is a lot of encouragement and a little reward.

when most of us are younger,
whenever you get good results,
your parents would try to reward you with gifts.
thus the motivation for studying very hard just to get good marks.
now when you're all grown up,
there is seldom such material things as reward.
some people may lost their drive to do well.

my point is:
it's natural to dislike exams.
maybe humans are innate with a knowing that whenever there is fear, there is stress.
think about it.
why do some people get stressed at work?
because they want to measure up to their employer's expectations and he/she fear of losing one's job.
same goes in studies, relationship, families, etc.
the word is expectation.
we all have a role to play and we try our very best not to tarnish the different roles that we're carrying out.
as well as we can,
we want to remain in other's good books.
we want to be liked.
shall i say,
this is because we are brought in such an environment where there are expectation?
imagine living in a world with no expectation?
we can be free!

ok readers,
that's the thought for today.

so sweetheart, perhaps a gift if i do well?
haha.
:P
don't worry it goes the same for you.

date

what inspires me is love.
oh honey, i love you!

and so i went on a date today.
with the partner.
he woke me up asking whether i wanna go on a date with him.
obviously, the answer was yes!

we decided to go town so that he can use his marks & spencer's vouchers.
on top of it,
it has been quite some time when we last go town together.
orchard road was pretty with the decorations and lights.

and i found something interesting in toys r us.

a monopoly set for the girls!

instead of hotels, it has boutiques.
oh how fun and unique!
the partner offered to buy it for fatin's belated birthday present cum good results gift.
i decided to share it.
why did he offer?
because he knew i was attracted to it without having me to tell him.
now,
that's telepathy.

he managed to get a nice decent top and a birthday gift for his mom over at marks & spencer.
and i realised they have the cutest calendar.

head over his house to visit his parents.
and he send me home.

honey,
thanks for the greatfunenjoyable date!
keep singing to me my honeybon!
you are the love of my life.

that day with shikin

the day with shikin!
















i love having talks with her.

today i woke up by a phone call.
i'm having a date today.
:)

tired.

this morning,
the weather was so nice to sleep.
what prevented me from sleeping back is the loud clapping thunder!
for the first time of my life,
i'm afraid of it.
i am not joking.

i wish to just snuggle and cry.
having someone to say that it's alright.

next time when there is a thunder.
listen carefully.
what i said might sounds true.

i just realised,

thunder reminded me of war.

bomb exploding.

apart from the thunder,

there was the lightning and the heavy rain.

i'm sure there were a lot of road accidents in the morning due to poor visibility.

if i were driving alone in the expressway,

i will be frighten.

that is when prayers are my source of peacefulness and protection.

and so today after school,

i met up shikin.

we took pictures to distress ourselves.

we laughed at our silly pictures and enjoy looking at the pretty ones.

we are just girls who are having fun.

by the end of the day,

we are both tired and sleepy.

thanks shikin for the enjoyable and sharing session.

honey,

never let anyone nor anything affect you.

you rule your own life.

i love you.

all the best for your tomorrow paper sweetheart!

i wanna watch my golden girls, listen to the partner's voice and fall asleep!

crazy again!

as i have expected,
with all the signs and symptoms,
i had that unwillingblooddonation today.
the cramps today were super bad.
i felt so uncomfortable in my own body.
it was such a torture.
everything doesn't seems right.

i had plans,
to go for a tree planting event organised by the cc.
due to my excruciating cramps,
i had to skip it.

i felt much better in the evening and decided to have that waffles again!
i tell you,
once the partner and i like that particular food,
we will come back again and again and again.
we are such freaks!

we brought a guest along.
nurul fatin syazwani.
she finished her share of the ice cream and she enjoyed it.


look at his tattoo on his hand.


ice cream = smile




the partner saw a lady, pointed to me and he said
"honey, i can imagine how you look when you're old, you will look like her."
ok honey.
whatever i will look like,
i will still sayang-sayang you.

and now, the pain is coming back.
aiyoyo.

now now,
let me think of the partner till i fall asleep.

sweetheart,
all the best for your upcoming exams!
i can't wait to have our well deserved break!

my boyfriend.

i always hate it whenever i'm down with the pms bug.
it is truly irritating, especially when my emotions gets affected.
i even explained to my partner about the imbalance hormones that causes me to be such a very sensitive person.
the negative thoughts keeps polluting my mind.

and i told him,
this is the period of time when i am hard to pleased.
he will need to be more patience and showered me with extra love.

i woke up with a long sms by the partner.
i can see how serious he is in this relationship, making sure that i'm happy with him, enjoy his company, being there for me, sticking through thick and thin together and also giving me his unconditional love.

i love my honeybon that always try his very best to lighten up my mood.

thanks sweetheart!

and now, i'm imagining him whenever he sees me.
that cheeky smile that i can't wait to pinch his nose.
oh honey, i love you!

another ice cream venture

yet again,
the partner and i were on a mission.
to try out a new place that sells ice cream.
a small cosy place at sunset way.
what i like about it was the waffles.
it was baked at a perfect condition.
crispy yet soft,
mixed with the chocolate flavoured ice cream,
it was worth the trip!


even the partner bought an additional two flavours.

amongst the different waffles that i tried at various places,
like gelare, swensen, icekimo,
i like the daily scoop's waffles.

i'm glad the partner has an interest in ice cream!
:)

yesterday,
i had an enjoyable time with the partner.
he waited for me in school while i was having tutorial.
and he even surprised me with a bottle of green tea.
we went home together (the partner wanted to come over) and squeezed ourselves in the packed mrt.
at night,
my parents, grandma, the partner and i went to the hospital to visit his sick grandad.
that was the first time my elders met his grandad.
things went on smoothly.
his parents and grandma, my parents and grandma had a good supper before heading home.
i like the big happy family.
:)

i saw a show about a couple with 13 children.
the kids were adorable!
surprisingly,
it seems so easy for the couple to take care of their kids.
i told the partner,
if only we can afford,
i wish to a large family
but it will be taxing.
and we agreed,
the maximum we would have is 6.

to all my hindu readers,
happy deepavali!



sweetheart,
anytime with you is the best time of my life.
i have you and i couldn't ask for more.
i love you sweetheart!
*hugs&tickles&kisses*

hello back!

hello back readers!
i'm back!
back from the hectic weekend.

ok.
when i first pick up the ping pong ball, it was white with a red dot.
my hopes were dampen.
and when i turned it,
i was lucky enough to pick a ping pong ball with numerals on it.
it had 351 written on it.
oh boy!
i was excited and so was the partner.

i had a good start before the challenge.
the partner was pampering me.
=)

my mind is all set for it.
but i overlooked my physical state.
a few hours after the challenge, everything was going on well.
i made friends, talk with them.

about 3-5 am,
i started to feel sleepy.
to keep myself awake,
i kept pinching my thighs, those little pinches that hurts.
and now,
when i look at that area,
it has blueblack marks.
there was my brother with his friends who kept talking to me to keep me awake.
after they have gone, i started counting with my fingers the alphabet and other stuffs.
i look at the sky,
admiring the beautiful stars against the navy blue sky.
there and then,
i was imagining myself being at the beach with partner,
listening to the waves, lying on the sand and looking up to the sky.
it really shows how desperate i was to stay awake.
thankfully, i managed to survive through the night.

after the 7 am break,
i realised my feet were hurting badly.
whenever i started to move it,
it hurts.
it looked swollen with some spots.
i move it around.
stamp my feet, stretched it, etc.

about 10am,
i was glad to see my familiar supporters.
my mom, dad, sisters.
i was really making a major decision.
to hang in or let go.
it hurts so badly.

not only that,
the weather was hot and i got thirsty.

as silly as it sounds,
i cried while hanging in there.
it was such an emotional time for me.
i don't want to disappoint those who were behind me.
my dad looked at me and pointed to his head.
and i understood what he meant.
mind over body.
i really tried.
i saw my mom's face
reminiscing about it,
it brought tears to my eyes.
that feeling was so intense.
i think about the partner.
about everyone that i'll disappoint.
it hurts.
and my mom added that mama in and papa 2 is coming down.
i felt worst.
i cried too because the pain was unbearable.
every positions that i tried standing hurts.

in the end,
i have to give in to my legs because i got scared.
the person was saying.
"are you sure you're gonna risk your legs for the car?"
and yeah i was thinking.
"so what if i win the car, but i have no legs to drive it?"
isn't that scary?
i treasure my life, health much more than material things.

what keeps me going for the 22 hours and 56 minutes were my lovely supporters.
they came and cheer me on.
when i was with them, i felt lively.
it was touching to know i have my loved ones behind me.

i'm sorry to let you all down.
i tried my best.

i was pushed out in a wheelchair as my feets were badly swollen.
i can't walk.
when the medic placed ice pack on my feet.
i cried and scream.
whenever he did something to my feet,
i shriek.
i can't help it.
when i walked,
it reminded me of a retarded person walking.

when i was done with the challenge.
i had one more challenge.
to climb the 4 storeys of stairs to reach home.
and i was piggyback by my uncle.
when i reached home,
i talked to them about my experiences with my eyes closed.
that was how tired i was.

and now,
my feet were much better but it was a little swollen.
i can walk like a normal person now.

to those who wished me:
thank you very much!

to his mom and dad:
thanks for being there and supporting me.
i know i can depend on both of you.

to my family:
thank you for coming down and be there.
especially my parents.
both of you being there pushed me a little more.
thanks for bringing me to the world to experience such love.
i love you ma, pa.

darling,
thanks.
you're my pillar of strength.
i love you.

"and these are the moments i thank god that i'm alive.
and these are the moments i'll remember all my life.
i've got all i've waited for and i could not ask for more."

he says.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY NENEK!
i think she's 60 today.
i love you even when we argue.

currently,
i am doing on an essay that is mind torturing.
really.
i doubt i'll be taking any more philosophy modules in the following semester to come.
i already know it's mind boggling.
but this is worse than it.

apart from this,
i'll be free from assignments and projects!
i can never be this happier! (pretending that i didn't know that my exams are at the end of the month because panic will start to kick in)
let me just have a breather before i have to mug like there's no tomorrow.

due to a lot of stress lately,
my mood is quite affected.
my body has been aching.
argh!

one thing that i never fail to look forward is meeting the partner!
thank goodness for him.
if not for him, i would have gone insane.

we had a short meet up for dinner yesterday because he has work to do.
i was telling him.
"honey, excuse me for today. i know i look tired and inappropriate today." (i had my glasses on, i simple wore something slack)
but the reply wasn't what i expected.
instead, the partner said something that made me blush.
he look straight into my eyes which then penetrate to my soul.
it was that sincere look.
"honey, since i first met you till now, you are getting more and more prettier"
i gave him a smile which then changes into a laugh and told him
"you must be kidding honey"
and he wasn't.
he was defending his stand and convincing me.
and i let the matter rest.
thank you sweetheart for that sincere compliment.

2 days ago, his grandfather was admitted to the hospital.
the way the partner attended to his grandpa's needs touches me.
i can already imagine how caring he'll be when i'm warded.
i really hope he will recover soon.

tomorrow's the day!
ok, i'm uncertain whether i'll make it through the next subaru challenge which then qualified me to place my palm on the car.
i'm hoping to hear good news.
am i prepared?
well, i think so.
the partner,
"honey, if you get the car, we sell it and we get married lah"
haha.
very funny ah honey!
well, maybe i might considered that.
heh.

i love us.


true love is seeing the person at one's ugliest state and you still believe that they are the most beautiful creatures in the world.