depressed.

ok people, i'm depressed.
only my love ones know.

aiyah.

i need those dark rich chocolates and my sweetheart!
fondue anyone?

friendster.

whenever there's internet connection,
i'll go to my usual sites.
my blog.
my hotmail account.
my gmail account.
my friendster account.

and whenever i'm friendster-ing.
i never fail to view my own pictures.
it's like a habit.
i'll just stare at them and remember the memories i had in every picture.
and also thinking what others might say about the pictures posted.
of course, i can't stop looking at our together pictures.
it's because i miss him.
http://www.friendster.com/3233292

whenever i hear his voice over the phone,
i'll imagine how he is talking on the phone,
how his actions are.
i can't let him out of my mind.

whenever i'm down,
thinking of how we get to know each other together, those courting period, thinking of him, of how sweet he was, how irritating he can be,
just changes everything.
the way he loves me, make me smile.

his presence is always with me.
and i love driving the car after he drove it
because his smell get transferred to me via the seat belt.

and now my backs hurts,
i don't know when i'll get well.
i walk like so cacat after seating because i can't stand straight.
i want to be well again.

you shown me how marvellous love can be.
and that's what i love about you.

amazing weekends!

i like weekends.
but i really love the last weekend i had.
it was superb!

friday...
after work, drop by his aunt's house to accompany him.
that was when i realised that my wallet wasn't with me.
i panic because i didn't know where it was.
i may drop it.
i have so many important things in my precious fat roxy leather wallet.
was reassuring myself that i left it in the office.
but still, there was that uncertain feeling.
called the office, no one picked it up.
urgh!
i try not thinking about my wallet and continue on with my day.
late night was spent watching happy feet with my sisters and him.
a hilarious show.
had a good time at the movies and outside the movies.
went home at 0130hrs.

saturday...
called the office and thank god, she said my wallet is in the office.
i was so relieved.
drove to mandai to take my wallet and off to the market to accompany my grandma.
it was years when i last step in the market.
after which, she wanted to go get some more groceries at other place.
after buying all the things that are supposed to buy,
drove her to joan road.
she was so pleased when she saw roses at the cold room.
she bought a pretty bouquet of roses, and 2 rose plants.
and i bought an orchid plant with huge flowers.
thank god we have something in common,
both of us loves flowers.
but weird, my mom doesn't like flowers.
decided to drop by the old police academy to see him play soccer.
when we reached there, it took me a while to spot him.
went home after that.
at 1600hrs fetched him and head to woodlands to take the cupcakes that i ordered for his mom and grandma.
he decided to take a rest over at my house.
when we reached home, my mom was asking us out.
by then, we were really lethargic.
had a nap and went out with my mom.
i thought of sleeping in the car while my mom go get her stuffs because i was sleepy and i was dressed unappropriately for a shopping center.
but he managed to change my mind.
had a good time with him and my mom.

sunday...
woke up in the morning,
and the kitchen was in the mess as my grandma was preparing food for the picnic.
it's like she was cooking for a feast and she even made a cake for his mom.
head out at 1045hrs to ecp.
a while later, a white car came.
it's them!
his parents and him.
later,
mama in came.
it was so fun!
even though it rained for a while,
it didn't dampens our mood.
the kids are full of energy.
the adults too are hyper.
even his mom and my grandma went to the sea to seat down and talk, talk, talk, talk.
yesterday was a fantastic day!
i like seeing both of our family together.
it's like a perfect fit.
and like what he said, he can't help smiling thinking about yesterday.
i can't agree more.
i too, am smiling to myself.

honey, i can never be happier with anyone else.
thanks baby.

future

since attachment, i realised the importance of weekends.
they are oh so nice and they gone oh so fast.
it's those time when you just waste time at home and wake up late.
and a time to spend with him.

i have about 11 more weekends till i say goodbye to where i am now.
and hello to where i'm heading to.
i know i'm gonna go overseas, take a break after i'm done with school, while waiting for graduation.
go somewhere to shop and enjoy the scenery.
to reward myself.
estya, you influenced me in these.

fatin did well in school and i'm treating her to the movies.
this evening.
the four of us.
me. him. her. and her.
yes, 3 hers and 1 him.
my sisters and i and him.
gonna have a blast celebrating her good job in getting first in class!

i never thought she would do well.
why?
because she didn't study much.
she was busy watching cartoons and drawing.
once she started studying, a few moment later, you will see her head on top of her open assessment books with her eyes closed.
i'm amazed at her.

at times, i wish my family is affluent.
where there are more than sufficient money.
i can spent and no one will ever nag.
i told my dad about it.
his views gave me more things to think about.
and i come to a conclusion.
i should be grateful with what i'm given.
which i am.
people are never satisfied.
they just want more, more and more.

when people asked what do i want to be.
i think twice before answering them.
i have this ambition to be a .................
but i don't dare saying it out.
cause i'm afraid i might not achieve it.
anyone wanna give a guess?
or what do you think i'm suitable for?

only time will tell.

counting down the minutes till i give you a wake up call,
counting down the minutes till i see you again.

i really miss you.

happy belated birthday, updates

happy belated birthday puan rubiah!

i had a good dinner with his parents and him to celebrate his mom's birthday!

they always bring me to laughter whenever i'm with them.

we share the same date, 22nd!

and less than a month to 22nd dec!

i can't wait for my sweetheart to implement his plans.

and it's 43 more days till our first!

honey, i know you've already planned what to get for me.

heh.

i've read 2 blogs regarding break-up.

and it's a sad thing that it have to happen.

i'm sure it's never easy to get through it.

i've been in that phase twice.
kinda shitty.

well, er no, it's very shitty.

the person you love leave/dump you due to unexplainable reasons.

it's like losing your phone for those who loves talking/smsing,

it's like losing your books for those who loves to read,

it's like losing your stationeries for those who loves to draw.

i can rattle on and on.

but i think you get the basic idea what i'm trying to get to.

your basic need is lost when you break up.

and instantly, you will feel helpless and melancholy.

mixed emotions will surround you,

you feel angry, confused, sad at the same time.

your mind will be asking you thousands of questions that you can't answer because you think the other party has the answer.

i know how it felt.

and i pray that i'll never need to go through anymore breakup.

for those who are going through it,

look at it this way,

if both of you are meant to be, you will still be with each other in the end.

look forward, don't dwell.

put away those things that remind you of him/her.

spend more time on yourself.

indulge in things that will make you happy. (cause you deserved this 'hardwork' of getting through)

don't ask (what should i do to prevent it? why did he do that? etc...)

it will just bring you more heartache and make you feel lousy.

wait until you are really well, when you're mind is functioning well, then you reflect what's your mistakes. (but it doesn't necessary means blaming yourself. i'm sure the other party has his/her faults that contribute to the breakup)

have more confident of yourself.

self-confidence makes you beautiful

as a couple, both must have the same goals that they work towards to.

and they should have the same definition of the word "relationship"

that was why i asked my boyfriend what was his definition of a relationship.

if it wasn't the same as mine, i wouldn't choose him.

last semester, my team mates did a presentation on initimate relationship.

the powerpoint slides are prepared by me.

basically it's about communicating.

some slides may seem so wordy because i've editted it to add in more info.
scroll down and click on it to see the slides.

i hope it helps.

being in love with someone is good.

but being in love with the one is marvellous!

honey, you never left my mind and heart.

i love you so deeply.

beautiful pictures!

as one of my reader requested,
below are some raya pictures.

insyirah and me

the 4 babes i love (mama in, nenek, his mom, my mom)

his hands felt so comfortable

at mama in's house



when we have to seat at the last row of the car

we took bus only to one house

both were tired due to .......

he knew i was taking pictures

in the car..

yet again..

at suliza's house

i had loads of fun and enjoyed myself,
even though my back is still in pain.
i wonder when i'll get better.

we went to my friends' houses, his collegues' houses, my relatives, his relatives and of course, my and his house.

it was good lah.

more raya to come with him in the future.

did lots of stuffs the past few days.
like one of which, watching a movie at jb.

casino royale.

my first james bond movie.
alright lah, not that bad.

he's charming.
different environment and the crowd there was a little kecoh.
haha.

but mostly of the stuffs i did was resting.
i can't seat on the sofa.
i have to seat on the dining chair.
so whenever i'm on the sofa,
i'll be lying sideways to watch tv.

honey, you are my cure to my loneliness.
i miss you.

i miss our silly silly moments honey!
i'm missing you badly.
let's have more jalan-jalan.
hee.

my adorable little iklil nur atiqah

presentating iklil nur atiqah and nurul atirah

too bad, abdul mutalib was in the front driving.

heh.

her smile looks so idiotic.

i so like this below smile!

she never fails to make people around her smile.

a girl who will dance when there's music.

a girl who will sing when there's songs.

a girl who will smile when there's camera in front of her.

a girl who is very naughty.

a girl who adds joy to my house.

my little cousin, atiqah.

my boyfriend asked me to do this. =P

here i am over at his house blogging away.
and i've lost my voice.
due to some stubborn viruses that can't seem to go away.
trust me, it sucks

attachment has been ok.
i've been asked to do this, that.
go here, go there.
it's a good thing though.
it shows that they have a trust in me.
two even offered me a job.
to be an event planner, the other, landscape designer.
heh.
well, an event planner is interesting.
to be able to plan for weddings, birthdays, etc.
it's fun lah.
but there's so much things to settle.
for landscape designer,
you need new refreshing creative ideas for your design.
but but but i think i will just further my studies.
if i can even make it.
if not, if not...
for me to know, for you to find out.

instead of him fetching me, his parents fetched me.
that feeling of being acceptance in a family is really good.
cause i know it's never easy if someone, sometwo, somethree of your significant other's family members doesn't get along with you.
i've been through that thrice.

finally after few days of not meeting,
we met!
like finally.
if only you know how badly i miss you sweetheart.
the only thing that i'm looking forward to was seeing you in the evening.

i'm distracted while typing this away.
distracted by my boyfriend who is doing his normal routine just behind my back.
all just for me!
hee.
and i can't stop myself from laughing.

honey, we've been through so much.
and as you say, there are so much more to come.
i know.
that's the challenges of couplehood.
and from those, i then realised so much more.

to have two people who truly love each other is rare.
at times, i don't think they exist.
but you,
you taught, you show me that it's true.

every second and every beat of my heart,
i longed for you.
my heart and mind speaks of you.
in a cold lonely world, i need that warmth to keep me living.
and you are that warmth.

i'll never stop loving you.
because i can never will.

miss

.su ssim i

counting down the minutes till seeing you tonight.
=]

smile readers

have a happy day fellow readers!

thanks for taking the time off to read my blog.
i'll update when time permits.

god bless.