this was one of the videos that i watched during the workshop.



it makes you sad then make you laugh when you see the ending.
haha!
you can shine!
how about guys?
despite that it is a shampoo advertisement,
it is still inspiring.

dreams.
never lose that vision because that is the one that's going to motivate and make you work towards that dreams.
obstacles may slows you down from reaching it but it can never stops you from attaining it.

my dream is to have a life on earth which is close to being in heaven.
family, a husband, children, career, home, friends.
i can envision myself being home with my husband and kids,
taking in the warmth of my family.
my dream is to grow old together with my husband by my side,
doing fun and memorable activities together.
children to cheer up the atmosphere and enlighten my days.
i can already imagine my wedding.
there's a vision ahead of me,
what i can do now is to work towards it.
i want to capture that.

right now,
it is beyond my dreams to be studying in nus.
i never dream of that.
alhamdulillah.

the main message i would like to bring across is never give up.
no matter how hard it gets,
try and try and try because the reward will be deserving.

my happy moments for 28 september is having faith in myself that i can do it.

26 september pa workshop

this is how i spent half of my saturday.

representing my constituency.
my table was surrounded by males,
and i involved myself in several discussions by listening to their ideas and also contributing my ideas.
it was a workshop about strategic planning.
and oh boy!
it was tiring to crack our brain but on the other hand,
it is really interesting!

my sugar intake for today is high!
why?
i drank more than 5 cups of tea to keep myself warm!
and every cup,
i used 1 sachet of raw sugar (choose the healtier choice).

we had several activities to do and one of which is
the mind map we had to work on.


there were 2 inspirational videos that we watched and i almost teared.
one was about never giving up and believe in your vision,
the other about leadership.
why did my eyes feel watery?
because i felt i am losing my life,
i am not making anything happened in this state.
i need to do something and get back the momentum i was in.
why waste my time dwelling?
i want to feel like a newborn and make a difference in people's lives.
that's a promise to myself.
in fact, nothing is going to stop me.
(i do not want to sound arrogant but this is something i need to remind myself that i can do it)
i want to pick up the pieces for good now.
so i supposed this is my happy moments for 26 september 09.

and now i should be studying for my upcoming mid term.
good night readers!

things to do

i am supposed to be stressed out,
but i am not feeling it yet.
perhaps soon.

things to do.
workshop to attend tomorrow in the east (an hour travelling time) from 9am to 5.30pm
readings to do, notes to revise for 3 back to back mid term exams.
a children's day event to coordinate.
emails to reply.
a pets carnival to plan.
raya outings.
project discussion.

oh god.
a day at each time.

maybe what stress me is the mid terms.
i haven't been revising much since my concentration hasn't been productive.

after a meet up last night,
i felt relieved.
i hope the other party felt it too.
and the meet up has been helping me to pick up,
to make me feel better.
i woke up composing a long email regarding the summary to help us out.
insyaAllah.

right now,
i have to swallow my pride and fight for what i want,
for i truly deserve it.
god,
help me out.

right at this moment,
my lower left back hurts.
and i can't walk and sit properly.
what did i do now?

lately,
my appetite has been good.
alhamdulillah.
i feel hungry most of the time.
and let's hope,
i can have my round cheeks back.
so that grandma won't nag about my weight!

let's move to a serious topic right now.
how about being afraid?

i'm sure everyone has something that they are afraid of in life.
like giving birth, going for an interview, getting hurt, growing old, etc.
honestly,
i am too comfortable being a student for 18 years that i am afraid to go to work.
i am afraid of going for job interviews, i am afraid of stepping into the working world.
cause it means that i'll be an adult and welcome in responsibilities.
i am afraid.
but i have no choice.
this is life,
the reality.
sometimes we have to overcome our fears in order to move forward.
we can't afford to stay too comfortable in a stage of our lives.
we have to constantly take up challenges and have faith that you can make it through.

we are never prepared of life's obstacles.
but i believe with the right approach,
eventually you will make it through.
insyaAllah.

the main point is that we can never grow younger,
grow up and do what you need to do.

stop

what is stopping me from being me?

can i get past this phase with ease?
can you prove it to me time and time again?

god,
i know you won't give a challenge that is beyond one's limits,
but why can't i take it?
am i that strong?

differences

life as it is,
not as simple as it seem.

what the eyes can't see doesn't mean everything is all nice and perfect.

i am as good as dead.
and picking up the pieces is terribly hard for me.
what's more if i keep falling?

be me and you'll know.

fatin's 12

fatin,
happy 12th birthday!

18, 19, 20 september

a new coin pouch (made out of love) for the partner with the help of this cloth and zipper.


the end result.

haha!
it took me an hour plus to hand sew the coin pouch, to make sure that there isn't any way that coins can slipped out of it.
anyway,
that picture is a stick on.
=)
the previous coin pouch that i made can still be used however, it looks comot.

happy moments for 18 september was when i am done with the mid term paper.
not that i was pleased at how i've done because it was a killer.
but i was happy that *phew* it's over.
what a relief.

happy moments for 19 september was when i went to get flowers and a pot of plant!
haha!
after 3 years of horticulture and landscape management,
how can i not be influenced at how plants affect my life?
i even have them in the toilet!
haha!
another happy moments was when the partner and i decided to go geylang to take in the atmosphere.
something changed and i hope it's for the best.
i had a good time laughing at the situation when we got stucked.

like the past years,
i will be following the partner and his parents to malaysia to visit his relatives.
luckily i'm having my reading week.

hari raya is here.
but is my heart ready?

i don't really look forward much to raya due to my previous post.
however,
the excited partner made me excited as well.
haha.
it will be even exciting if it's up by 75%! (the partner should know this!)
the both of us will be wearing red this year,
thanks to his parents.
just as we were walking past a shop,
we saw a couple outfit at half price.
and he was at the verge of buying it.
i guess it was due to the colour.
haha!

soon,
it will be time.

happy moments 16 and 17

happy moments for 16 september 09 was when i sleep with my grandma.
=)
it brought me back to the time when i was younger.

happy moments for 17 september 09 was when i went daiso with mom to get "worthy" items.
another happy moments was when the partner surprised me with a phone call asking where i was,
to his dismay,
i was out but he was under my blk.
so he had to wait anddddd........
he surprised me with
ebi temaki!

my favourite!
haha!
yessa!
and also a sour plum drink!

today was terrible.
i had cramps, back ache, and i felt so lethargic.
thank goodness i've managed to get through school.
the partner who is concern send me home halfway.
i hope there weren't be cramps tomorrow.
please.

right now,
i got to revise for the paper tomorrow.

happy moments for 15 september

happy moments for 15 september was when i managed to complete something that i've set to do.
it was very challenging and alhamdulillah, i've did it.

i've got outstanding things to do.
revise for my mid term,
do my readings,
plan for 2 events,
finalise some things,
reply to emails,
keep track of important dates,
meetings,
redecorate the toilet,
bring mom to daiso and to buy flowers,
sew the coin pouch for the partner.
i am unsure whether i leave anything out.

honesty is the best policy,
i thought to myself since i firmly believe in it.
and i act on it.

raya is in a few days time.
i am not sure whether i am looking forward to it.
to me,
the true essence of raya is being able to forgive and start a new.
to expel the unpleasant things that harbors in my heart and feel like a new person.
and also for me to seek forgiveness with people who i might have hurt them intentionally or unintentionally.
lastly, to work on and improve the relationship i have with others.
the reason why i am not looking forward is because can i bring myself to forgive?
i want to but can i do it?
saying "i forgive you" is easy but to really mean what i say requires a lot.
it means that i need to really throw the reason why i am angry, upset, disappointed in.
so i wont't say it if i don't mean it.
but my heart will try to.

god,
please give me the strength.

for once in my life

today,
i had a bad start but gradually it changes.

why a bad start?
because while crossing,
i was in front of the bus so i thought the road was empty,
i crossed a few steps only to know that there was a car.
so i had to reserve back my steps.
if not,
i'll kena hit or kena horn.
my mind was polluted with things that my reactions was slower.
alhamdullilah,
i am still alive.

since i had a short day today,
i went to the library to watch some of the japanese clips that make me laugh hysterically!
and i have to say it is torturing to watch it without making any noise to laugh!
hahaha!
it was funny lah!
my sisters are also hooked to it!

so while i was still in the library,
i searched for the book recommended by my blog reader, passerby who is known as mas.
purification of the heart.
and i did managed to borrow it!
looking at the contents,
it is interesting!
i don't know whether i have the time to read it since mid term exams are coming!
but i'm sure to make time for it!

along that line,
i browsed up some books on muslim couples,
and read those which catches my eyes,
after reading it,
i feel different.
i feel better.
i feel happier.
i feel empowered.
i feel motivated.
i feel loved.
i feel enriched.

that somehow changes me.
alhamdullilah.

happy moments for 14 september was when i laughed incontrollably at the japanese clips and also to discover back that spark i have within myself.
a priceless gift.

syukur alhamdullilah.

3 days updates plus decision making

super lemon gelato vs lime sherbet!
the winner is : well there's really no winner.
i like them both individually,
but it is better especially when it's a mixture of both.
i ate 4 scoops of sticky chewy chocolate,
and not forgetting the waffles!

the partner and i together with his parents had ice cream buffet.
the partner's parents did enjoyed the different choice of ice creams.
=)
and so did we.

happy moments for 11 september was when i've managed to study and read up the textbook on a module.

happy moments for 12 september was when i spent my whole day since noon till midnight with the partner.
to the library to search on materials for his essay, to get his stuff, fetch his parents, marina square, ice cream buffet and lastly, they went over my house.
how can i forget the exciting good news the partner shared with me.
he was smiling bashfully while bringing the piece of news across.
hahah!
he has a mission to do now.

happy moments for 13 september,
was when my not-so-little cousin, atiqah aka debob came over,
maybe because i miss her presence and her noisiness.

life hasn't been easy for me.
out of sudden, i realised how tough life really is.
and it's pretty nasty.
it's making me lose everything that i've got.
the way i'm looking at life now is so much different.

i think way too much,
too deep i should say.
till it's affecting my dreams.
i've been having nightmares,
not those ghostly kind but those which brings harm to me.
i am sure there's a subtle message in those dreams.
but what is the right interpretation?

i never stop pondering what's life is about.
why do god create me the way i am?
there must be a reason.
how can i help others out?

i've been down lately.
it's either because of pms or really there is something wrong with me.
or i need to restructure the way i look, perceive, think about things.

let me share something that i firmly believe in,
when making a decision,
you have 2 choices.
either to go with your heart or your mind.

no offence to anyone who disagree with me,
this is just my personal view.

at first glance,
normally most of us would follow our heart.
sometimes,
it's too hard to resist.
but if you place in more effort and use your brain (cognitive effort),
you would realise that it's not really worth it.
you have a brain to reason and knowing what is right and what is wrong,
you would make a decision that won't harm you.
you have your heart to feel for people, not to hurt people.

let me just tell you,
following your heart,
you get only short term benefits/rewards,
afterwhich it will fade away since you don't feel the same for a long period of time.
what is your explaination for follwing your heart?
is it a sound explaination?

following your heart is useful if you need to feel for another person.

how about going with your mind?
insyaAllah,
you won't regret your decision.
well,
i can't guarantee you 100% error free from mistakes but it's a lesser chance.
you reason out the pros and cons and you will think about how it's going to affect other factors.
when you have think about it,
i should say,
you have made a wise decision.

even when falling in love,
i was persuaded by my mind.
of course by following your heart,
there's passion between both of you.
but how long can it last?
yes,
they do say,
you need to have a 'feel' for the person too.
personally,
i have to agree to a very little extend.
i mean if the person wants to be with you,
wouldn't he go all out to win your heart?

so next time,
try using brain effort pertaining to major decisions.
like minor decisions like choosing what to wear,
maybe you can have a leeway to follow your heart,
mostly depends on your mood at that period of time.
you be your own judge to decide what is minor and major decisions.

to be honest,
years back,
i had a guy who i was 'madly in love with' because i followed my heart,
we never get into a relationship but we know we had the passion for one another. (i even wrote about how i feel for him in this blog.)
perhaps that makes me not to fancy the partner,
i don't see myself attracted to him.
however, i gave him chances to win my heart.
and eventually he did.
so i was at a crossroad.
the guy or the partner,
and as expected,
i chose the partner by my mind,
and i've learnt to love him.
because i believe he is someone who can take good care of me, who i can hold a conversation with when i'm old and who can guide me to the right path.
insyaAllah.
of course there are also many other factors included why i chose the partner,
87% of which is the reasoning from my mind.

something about the partner and i,
somehow we're like invisble opposite poles magnets that attracts.
there's that invisble bond which is hard to explain.
insyaAllah,
time will tell.

forgiveness

forgiveness.

they say everyone is unique,
indeed.
i am beyond comprehension.

quite true when they said people will remember you for the bad stuff you did instead of the good things.

i know this is a challenge from god,
but why is it hard for me to accept it?

god,
please never give up on me.
i seek for your forgiveness.

i dont wish to

i don't wish to.
and in order to avoid it,
i divert my attention to something that requires more of my cognitive load.

happy moments for 10 september was when i accompanied shikin for ice cream session.

i actually enjoyed her company that driving back i took major roads instead of the highway at 60km/h and past through numerous traffic lights.
i wish that we can always ask each other for dates last minute.
the belgian waffles doesn't taste that nice anymore, lost that ooomppph!
but what was delicious was the whipped cream!

happy moments for 9 september was when i buka together with the partner in the car while driving back to his house.
we had to visit his aunt and alhamdullilah his aunt is recovering well.

with every day that pass by,
i thanked god for giving a chance to experience it,
even though there were days that were not to my liking.

not again.

090909 090909

9 September 2009 9h 9m 9s

happy moments for 8 sep

my happy moments on the 8th sep is having my own made kaya toast for buka!
ok sounds lame.
but i was craving for it so having it was like ahhhhhh yeah!
nikmatnya!

the other thing that i am craving is ice cream!!
i will be going to the ice cream buffet again soon!
haha!

it was just today that i realised that i have mid term exams coming up.
1 paper next week,
the other 3, 3 weeks later.
no no no no no no no!
so fast!!!

for today,
i had no choice but to clean my dusty room.
whenever i have to clean my room,
it will be hard for me to throw away stuff.
i am more like a collector.
and one of the "do-not-throw-items!" are receipts!
i've been collecting them years back.
it's like when i am bored,
i can just look at the receipts to see what silly things i've bought, where i've went, when was it, what i ate, how much i spent!
see, so many information on the small piece of paper!
i don't think i can totally rely on my brain to store a lot of memorable events, thus i blog and kept things.

the room is halfway cleaned,
will be doing the other tomorrow or something.

anyway,
i had an eerie dream this morning.
i dreamt that i killed the partner.
i pushed him to his death,
i saw his motionless bloody body lay on the ground.
and slowly,
i've started to regret my actions and miss him.
when i woke up,
i straight away narrate my dream to the partner.
he was scared himself.
haha.

actually,
there's so many things in my mind.
and all jumbled up.

right now,
i guess i better head to bed.
=)
good night readers!

what a monday!

before i head back to sleep after sahur,
i ensure that i've set the alarm and reminders in my phone so that i would wake up for school.
i know i have about 10 reminders,
all about 3-7 mins interval.

so i went into dreamland.
and i remember waking up to a message tone.
when i checked the time!
i am dead!
lecture starts at 10.15am,
i am up at 9.38am.
where got enough time to get ready?
luckily i took shower during sahur,
so it wasn't that bad.
and i was lucky enough that the partner drives to work today.
he came to my rescue!
swee swee it was a nice timing!
he was about to reach work.
so he initated me to drive the car to school then return back to him.
=)
alhamdulillah i was just 10 mins late.
terima kasih, awak baik hati ah.

kinda relaxing day today.
after school,
tutor then back home.

suddenly,
the partner initiated to buka together,
asking my sisters along.
but only 1 decided to come along since the other one was moody.


where are we?
hint, see the right side of the pic?
haha!
we had our 'japan' experience.



the last time i went here,
i tried udon,
and it wasn't to my liking.

so this time i tried ramen!
and not bad.
much nicer compared to udon.

and i ordered my usual,
ebi tempura.
4 of them.

some-two went shopping.
new things added to their wardrobe!
no wonder they are excited.
haha.

right now i have a new task to do.
a new coin pouch for the partner.
the current one that he's using,
the one that i did is already comot.
so i think it's time for a new one.
2 days ago,
the partner and i had chosen the material,
so right now,
i'll just see when i'm free to start sewing it.

we're already halfway through ramadan.
and this year,
i didn't do as much as last year.
but i did tried.
raya is fast approaching it.
and the partner has already told me the plans when to go back malaysia to visit his relatives.

why am i always sleepy and lethargic these past few days?

happy moments for 7th september was in the evening,
together with my sister and the partner.
seeing both happy makes me happy.
it was a well spend time.
=)

something is different my sister asked.
i can just give her my opinion and smile.

i think it's time for bed since my eyes are tired.

7th term bgm

nanyang cc yec 7th term committee!
i'll be working together with this crazy bunch of people for 2 years!
and i know it's gonna be fun!

yesterday,
the 5th september 09 was nanyang cc yec bgm.

and as usual,
i was stationed to do reception,
together with my lovely girls.
gillian, shikin, myself and my sis, syafiqah.


since i was the general secretary,
i had to be on the stage together with my chairman and the treasurer to report our activities.
haha!
i did trembled but i managed to remain cool and calm!
luckily it wasn't that awkward saying out the report.
hentam je lah!


my great companions in the committee!

i am grateful to have the partner attending the event.

see his irritating smile!

the partner is addicted to the machine that hooked/cliped to the soft toys!
and and andddddd!

he managed to win 2 soft toys for me!

haha!
and i practically can see his face glowed!


of course i am happy!
i have 2 soft toys to sleep with!
thank you honey.

since it was at snow city,
we didn't miss the chance to visit the snow chamber.
the four of us slide down together!
it was fun but it was too cold for us that we did only 2 times.

afterwhich,
we had a heavy buka!

all that we ate were delicious!

today,
i had a last minute meet up with the partner.
and we ate indian food!

this was good!
=)
apart from that,
we had briyani and garlic naan.
nice!

hahaha!
the partner bought for me cometics lah!
the first time ever!
*grins*

happy moments for 5th september was playing in the snow chamber!
=)
also am glad to know that the event was a success!

happy moments for 6th september was rereading a sms that i received in the wee hours of the morning,
and spending time with the partner, seeing his cheerful face when he greeted me.

we both know,
but we don't know what to do.

god,
give us your guidance.
lead us in the right path,
the path who You favor.
bless us and let us be strong to overcome any obstacles together.

maybe it's the last

happy moments for 4th september was when i were in the bus to school when i see pakcik-pakcik with songkok haji walking towards the bus stop, in the bus opposite of mine, on the scooter, etc.
my bus normally passed by the mosque and the sight that i saw was just after friday's prayers.
i supposed the pakcik-pakcik are on their way back to work or back home.
friday's prayers is a weekly prayer,
i personally think it is a good way of holding the community together.
while attending it,
they are made to listen to khutbah to be aware of what is happening or to be reminded of the right way.
when i looked through the muis website,
the khutbah has really interesting topics,
normal everyday lives such as family, budgeting, marriage, etc.

now,
just imagine.
instead of the head of the family attending it,
ladies were the ones to attend it.
i think it might be uneffective.
instead of listening,
some of the ladies might chit chat and not pay attention to what is brought across.
get what i mean?
thus,
maybe that can be one of the reasons why men are to attend it?
maybe one other reason is that ladies who are homemakers can't just live their young children alone if they were made to attend it.
i am not too sure.
correct me if i'm wrong.
=)

the sight of what i saw made me realised that they are all from different walks of life but they all have a same belief.
and i am glad that i also share the same belief.

another happy moments for 4th september was when we went to geylang bazaar.
it was together with the partner, his parents and i.
his aunt did joined us for a while before making her way back.
not that i like squeezing myself through people,
but the results of it.
like the past years,
his parents would buy the both of us a pair of baju.
it is the same for this year.
so we went to geylang yesterday to find ourselves a matching pair of baju.
what was surprising was that instead of 1 baju,
i have 2!
not that it was planned.
i am supposed to have 1,
however while passing by a stall,
the partner's mom and i set our eyes on the pretty baju that was being displayed.
and after exchanging our views,
she decided to get for me one.
i was reluctant since they already bought for me one.
but in the end,
i end up trying the baju.
i can never thanked his parents enough,
they are really generous.
alhamdullilah.
and to end my day,
they went up to my house to have a chat with my elderlies.

if only i gave up in life,
i wouldn't know what the future holds.
i mean hard times never last.
that goes the same for easy times.
so i think i should be a little more patient to see through it.
syukur alhamdullilah.

today,
5th september 09!
nanyang youth executive committee's biannual general meeting at snow city.
let's see how it goes!
=)

if only i knew.

this entry is going to be ambiguous.

if only i knew,
things wouldn't be this way.

there's no one to be blamed,
but me.
i brought it upon myself.
and i have to learn to deal with it.
every actions will eventually lead to consequences.
and this is the consequences.

a facade maybe?
i am uncertain.

if only i knew,
i might/might not be happier.
a little too late to regret,
because time can't be rewind.
i just have to take in what is happening and pray for the best.

being human,
i can't foresee which path is a better choice.
all i can do is to make a decision and trust in the Almighty to guide me through.
and this is the path i choose to take.

can i even come close to my life which i imagined it to be?
it's not something ambitious.
it is just to have a life filled with wonderful memories,
to know that my life was worth living while i'm lying on my death bed.
to know that i've impacted people lives in a good, beneficial way.
to know and feel that i am loved for.

all i can do is to work hard and pray.
then see if it is my destiny.

happy moments for 2nd and 3rd sep

my train of thoughts stopped at its track after a phone call.
that was what happened last night while blogging.
not only that my thoughts stopped,
it vanished.

anyway,
i experienced my happy moments on 2nd september on the train while i was on the way to school.
an old lady talking in a motherese tone,
she was so happy talking and playing with the lady-whose-sitting-beside-her infant.
that interaction makes me smile.
babies are just adorable,
they can make me smile without me knowing.

happy moments for 3rd september was early morning,
when i won scissors, paper, stone against the partner!
*wide grins*

yesterday will be the last,
i am no longer going to give up easily.
i promise.

i am already thinking of what to have for buka!
haha!
chicken cutlet!
wait.
how about yong tau fu?
oh no!
i am so fickle!
just yesterday at the dinner table,
there were 3 dishes given by my neighbours.
kway teow, mee hoon soto and mee hoon soup.
and i ate them all.....
but i never finish them all.
just here and there.
i've been eating a lot.
hopefully,
i'll gain some weight.

just that day,
i happened to see a junior of mine,
and she said i've shrink.
*shakes head*
i need to eat and gain my weight.
i am not on a diet.
i have no clue how i lose weight.
maybe it's stress.

man,
i feel like having burger ramly.
i better get to my readings before my mind is filled with more food!

to welcome the starting of a new month,
september,
the both of us break fast together.
since everywhere is full,
we decided to have something light first.

i've been craving for them for quite some time.
so to have them just make me smile!

when the crowd subside,
we had our proper meal.

what was fun?
we played arcade!
haha!

and oh talking about fun!
i've managed to win him for the first time in scissors, paper, stone over the phone!
*grins*
i was so excited that i scream over the phone!
haha.

happy moments for 1st september was the time i spend with the partner.
i was smiling the whole time i was with him.
it's like overwhelming.

suddenly i lost the mood to blog.

a new month

a new month,
with a new goal.

god,

let us achieve it together.

happy moments for 31 august was when i reached home from school and sleep!
also at night when i laughed with my sister about some random stuff!
it was fun and i don't want it to end.
you like mermaid eh sis?

happy moments for 30 august was to see dad lighted up when we were celebrating his birthday.
priceless moments.
my old man cracking some lame jokes.

the days are coming too soon!